Choose Freedom

Fresh perspective

2012-02-07T15:32:00.000-05:00

I sat across from him, cheeseburgers, fries and ketchup cups in-between us as nervous butterflies flitted around in my stomach. His smile was sweet, sincere and a bit flirtatious. The blue-green of his eyes glinted, his gaze fixed on me. I felt special. I felt… beautiful, in a t-shirt, jeans and no make-up. I wasn’t dressed to impress but I could tell by his look, I had anyway.

After thirteen years of marriage, too many pounds lost and gained again, my man still looks at me and sees a beautiful woman. He sees a desirable woman. A wish of mine has become—Lord, let me see myself as he sees me. When I look in the mirror, let me see myself through the eyes of the man you have given me for better or worse.

When I look at myself, I see all the flaws, all the negatives that I wish would change. And in doing that, I take away the fact that I am a masterpiece in the making. Yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds.(or a lot more than a few.) But, my weight does not define me. Does it? Should it?

I do believe some of my weight has to be dealt with spiritually, and that’s a conversation the Father and I have been having, but… when Kevin looks at me, he isn’t seeing the added pounds. He sees the heart of a woman who desires to serve God and others. He sees a woman who struggles with trust issues, but one who is learning to lay that problem at the foot of the cross. He sees a woman who stumbles and falls, and who cries out to the Father for wisdom and discernment.

Why do I forget about her?

Why do I forget about the woman God is fashioning? Why do I forget about the woman who’s laid her heart bear before her Creator and is in the process of being molded?

Do you forget about that woman in yourself? Do you forget that a loving, forgiving Father is working in your life? Do you tend to look at all the should be’s and have nots?

You are not alone.

But, sister, can I tell you... we’ve got to allow the truth of God’s word to penetrate our thoughts. We’ve got to stop looking at the images the media is throwing at us and realize those woman, they aren’t real. Our perception of them and ourselves need to be held up to the looking-glass that God uses. His gaze upon us doesn’t see the imperfections and impurities. When you have accepted Jesus Christ, the Father sees you for the new creation you are.

A beautiful, vibrant, flourishing craftsmanship.

Ephesians 2:10 -- For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

2 Corinthians 5:17 -- This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

As my husband and I enjoyed an inpromptu cheap lunch yesterday, I was reminded of those first feelings of love and giddiness. I was reminded what it was like to have him look at me and not feel hindered by my size. I just enjoyed the way he looked at me. I enjoyed the laughter and conversation we had. Too often I forget to bask in the moment. I forget to enjoy the simplicity of time together, without worrying.

Part of being a new creation in Christ is laying aside the doubts that sworm me and seeing myself and my husband for who we truly are. Not just man and woman. Not just sojourners in ministry together. But, we are husband and wife--lovers, partakers and children of God. We are one together.

Peeling

2012-01-31T13:14:00.001-05:00

How fitting that my recent post about the softening of my heart would co-inside with the newest A-Z Memory Verse Challenge.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

As God has been working and molding and changing my heart over the course of my relationship with Him, I can say, I’m coming into a place I’ve never been before. I’m lighter. More joyful. Me!!!

But, it’s not really me, it’s Him in me. It’s the fact that I’m beginning to truly realize what surrendering means and how to go about it. I do not succeed every single day. My flesh is weak and I stumble into allowing myself to wallow in circumstances. Then the Father whispers to my heart, and in the quiet of my spirit, I feel Him, sense His prompting and give over to it. What a heady sensation that is.

As I sat and ate lunch today, my thoughts were triggered by the similarities between us and an orange. I know. An orange!

With the orange in my hand, I began to peel back the layers of skin, the layers of protection that held the fruit, the meat inside. Each piece that I pulled off brought more of its scent to the front. Each stripped portion that lay on my desk was testament to the fact the center, the good stuff was about to be revealed. And oh, what yumminess there was.

I am reminded that my heart is like that. I begin to build up thick skin, walls around myself—protection for the vulnerable, soft places that are at the core. But, my Father patiently, loving peels each layer back, exposing the fragrant, juice filled place that is tender and responsive to Him.

With Christ in my life, I am like that sweet-smelling, enjoyable orange I had today. Christ in me causes the nectar to come to the fore.

It is my prayer that my heart before the Father would be pleasant, aroma-enhancing, and tender.

How about you? How has God been working on your heart this week? Is there something specific that really triggered your toughts?

Softening of Heart

2012-01-25T13:25:00.000-05:00

Mark 3:1-6 gives the account of Jesus as He heals a man with a deformed hand on the Sabbath. Although this story does speak to me about the miracle performed in this man’s life, what really sticks out to me is the beginning of verse five.

He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts.

The NAS says, “grieved at their hardness of heart.” I can imagine Christ looking upon them with anger, but even more with such sorrow because they still didn’t understand. They still didn’t want to see.

On Saturday night, I sat around a table with my daughter, her two friends and my mom—we were gathered together with others at tables for ‘The Gathering’. We meet in a local Meeting House, worship together, dig into the word of God together and share testimony of the things going on in our lives: i.e. Discipleship; how things are progressing, what are the struggles, and any prayer requests.

As I sat and listened, I was attuned to each story and individual—most of the people these stories were about, I’ve met them at one time or another. But even if I hadn’t my heart would have gone out to them. To the lost. But, at that moment, something else was also occurring within me. I could feel myself physically beginning to harden my heart against what was being said. Have you ever had that happen?

It was as if everything within me was shrinking into a tiny little ball and there wasn’t anything that could penetrate it once it was closed. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sensitive to my own emotions.

Stirring to attention, in my mind and my spirit, I rebuked that feeling in Jesus name. Not out load but the Father knew, Christ knew because they were watching, waiting to see what I would do. And I do believe that in that moment, My Daddy smiled. “She’s beginning to learn, Son.”

I want to laugh, even now, for the conversation that I imagine taking place. But, in that joy of knowing what happened, I don’t want to be arrogant enough to think I’ve beat this. One of my biggest struggles is fighting hardness of heart.

However, I do believe it was a huge step for me. A huge victory for a small battle. This is why, in a way, I can sympathize with Jesus’ enemies, His critics. You see, I can be like those men. All it takes is a quick instant for my guard to be down and before I know it, unbelief rules my life. That’s what I see in those men. Even after Christ restored the man’s hand, in verse six; it goes on to say that the Pharisee’s went away with the supporters of Herod to plot how to kill Jesus.

Their unbelief even in the face of miracles hardened their hearts to see the truth of who Christ was.

Restorer!

Not only physically, but spiritually! Christ reconciled us to God by His blood; He restored our relationship, one-on-one with the Father. (2Corinthians 5:19) Oh, that I would remember this each and every day.

Since Saturday, I’ve been in some pretty rough mental battles—ones I haven’t had for a long time. And it didn’t matter how hard I pressed in, my thoughts kept getting worse. And the ache in my heart intensified. I know that as our Mission Trip to Africa approaches, spiritual warfare is a give-in but my husband, daughter and I are being hit from many sides.

Yesterday as I pressed closer to the Father, and my mind continued to want to run away, I felt it resonate within me that I needed to step back from social media for awhile. For how long, I don’t know. It could be a couple days. A week. Maybe two. Only God knows. But I know this is a time for my husband and I to seek the Lord’s face and settle close to the Mercy Seat to find peace and comfort. We are going to be spending time as a family, praying and focusing in on God and His plans for our family.

I so look forward to all that He will show us in this time. So, if you need to get in touch with me, leave a comment and I’ll get it through email. If your email isn’t linked through your name, please leave it so I can contact you.

Blessings to you, friends as we continue to press into our relationship with Daddy!!!

Winner of A Confident Heart

2012-01-19T18:31:00.000-05:00

So sorry I didn't post this last night.Thank you ladies for your comments and for sharing your heart about Renee's book. I wish I had more to give!

The woman whose name I picked.... Indrea. Please email me your full name and address so I can get this out as soon as possible.

For those who didn't win, you can still check Renee's website for her video's and other goodies she has.

Blessings!

Memory Verse B

2012-01-18T16:35:00.001-05:00

As I sit and type this, my eyes are stinging from tears and my head throbs from the force of my crying. In utter anguish of spirit, I cried out to the Father on behalf of four little precious ones. Their mother is a family member and does not serve the Lord.

I don't want to speak ill of anyone, so please hear my heart, I've beseeched my Heavenly Father for these children. I've prayed through the years for their mother, but today it hit me hard and swift how far she has gone and where these children could one day end up.

Our new scripture verse B- Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved... Acts 16:31

Belief is such a powerful thing.

Belief that God is who He says He is. Creator. Sustainer. Father. Judge. . Shelter. Tower. LOVE.

Belief that Christ is who He says He is. Savior. Redeemer. King of Kings. Prince of Peace. Bride Groom.

Belief that the Spirit is who He says He is. Comforter. Teacher. Advocate. Convicter.

The core of who we are as children of God is centered around the belief that Jesus Christ died and rose again. That He is the Son of God; God on earth.... power. Authority. Magesty.

I long for all people to know the healing, unsurpassing work of the Father. Especially those in my family. And to have to watch someone destroy their life and the lives of their children--it breaks my heart!

One thing it also does, brings me to my knees before a loving Father whose heart breaks more than mine.

If you are already along for the ride of this scripture memorization with Cindy and the rest of us, I ask that you would please lift up my family member and her children, and her husband as you commit to memory verse B.

If you aren't a part of this yet but would like to be, you can go here to find out more information.

Even as my heart grieves, I rejoice in knowing we serve a mighty God who is patient.(even if I'm not!)

2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.

A Confident Heart Book/Bible Study and Give-away

2012-01-15T16:57:00.000-05:00

First, I want to apologize for the lateness of this post! How is it that life just seems to speed by on days when all you want is for it to slow down?

Starting today, I will be participating in Renee Swope's online book/bible study of A Confident Heart

I can tell you firsthand that this book is life changing. Months ago when I read it for the first time, I knew that it would change me, I just didn’t know how much.

One thing that reached out and grabbed me and wouldn’t let go-- Doubt is often fueled by fear.

When I read this in Renee’s book, thoughts began to swirl through my mind.

I knew I doubted God’s love… but what that really meant was I doubted that I was loveable.

I doubted my husband would stay... Which meant, I feared he’d be like my dad and walk away.

The fear we have and hold onto can manifest itself in many ways in our lives. But fears can come and go. God's word... It's always been.

God's word, its TRUTH personified. He tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 that He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and discipline.(a sound mind.)

We have got to trust and believe His word; we've got to trust and believe Him.

As each page turned and each chapter brought further questions to my mind and heart, I realized how much I lacked confidence and why. Finding true confidence isn’t a simple journey we take and come back from; it’s a life-long commitment to remember the promises of God and walk in them.

Maybe you’ve already signed up for Renee’s study or maybe you have the book and will jump over to her site and sign up for the study now… or maybe you don’t have the book but would love to participate….

Well—I am going to give one blessed winner a copy of Renee’s book! That is why I apologized at the beginning of this post. I’m a bit late, but that’s okay. And here’s why.

When you leave a comment on my blog, you will be entered into the drawing for Renee’s book. However, you can enter the drawing more than once. If you are on Facebook or Twitter, you can let others know about Renee’s study by posting a comment with a link to her site. Once you have done that, come back and let me know. For each comment and post, I will enter your name into the drawing again.

You will have until Wednesday evening where I will draw a name and post the winner on this blog. As you wait for your book, you can go to Renee’s website and read the first chapter of her book.

Be sure to write down anything that really strikes you or grabs your heart. If it’s possible, print out the first chapter and highlight all that speaks to you.

I am so excited for Renee and the 6,000+ women that have signed up to participate in this study. I know Father is going to move and grow us!!

Leading?... Following?

2012-01-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

This is my first Vlog... and my daughter told me I look sick.*laughs* Wasn't that nice of her. I wanted to give this a try because what was on my heart today wouldn't have come our right in written word, at least, that's how I felt.

And now I know first hand what you all were talking about when the video will start buffering at a bad spot and your face looks funny.

Anyway... here we go.

The scripture I referenced to about being inscribed on the palms of God hands is Isaiah 49:16 "Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me."

Does that not just melt you?

What's the remedy

2012-01-06T00:37:00.000-05:00

Ever felt listless and couldn’t figure out why? How about edgy? I know it seems like an oxymoron when those two words are put near each other but, there are days, like today, where I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what is wrong, but I know something isn’t right. My thoughts have been really scattered today,(more than usual); I couldn’t seem to grasp a single one.

I don’t like that feeling. It’s not a new one but it’s one I haven’t felt for awhile.

What do you do when you’re like this? What is the remedy or cure?

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Isaiah 26:3

I read this scripture and I’m like, “Okay, Lord. Where is this peace? I’m trusting, I’m staying.”

But then… then I’m wondering again.

So. Very. Frustrating.

“Be still.”

“Uh, Lord, I am. It’s why I’m sitting here.”

“No. Be still and silent.”

That’s what the Father whispered to my scattered being today. Be still. Silent. That is not an easy thing for me. Even in my resting times, I’m not silent. Always planning, organizing, prepping, thinking… thinking… thinking.

But, I took a moment today, literally stilled my body and mind and focused in on the rhythmic breath of the Father over me.

Calm. Soothing. Penetrating.

Peace came. And it stayed.

Thou wilt keep him in peace; in perfect peace, inward peace, outward peace, peace with God, peace of conscience, peace at all times, in all events. Trust in the Lord for that peace, that portion, which will be for ever. Whatever we trust to the world for, it will last only for a moment; but those who trust in God shall not only find in him, but shall receive from him, strength that will carry them to that blessedness which is for ever. Let us then acknowledge him in all our ways, and rely on him in all trials.{Matthew Henry}

I began to realize that my scatteredness was due in part to some news from a friend today. My heart is grieved and breaking, questioning, wondering… begging. I cannot change circumstances. I cannot break the binds that hold others captive for them. Those restraints can only be abolished by Christ and Christ alone, and they have to want freedom. They have to choose freedom.

However, what I can do—I can be still. I can be silent before the Lord and feel His Presence not only over me, but over the situation. I can pray that the enemy of our souls would be seen in a family’s life that is being torn apart. I can pray that eyes and hearts would be opened to the Mighty power of our God who can break generational curses’ firm hold.

Today I was scattered and almost lost because I was grieving for loved ones. But there is one that loves deeper and richer than I… and He is never scattered. He is never listless.

Sisters, I don’t know what has your thoughts racing and clambering today, and maybe you can’t pin down why either, but our Father knows. And He is the remedy. Let’s settle ourselves, close our eyes and feel the Presence of a powerful God who loves and adores us and wants to be near us.

Visual Communication

2012-01-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

A few weeks back, Mary DeMuth talked about choosing a picture for the year—a visual communication between God and me(you). As I thought about it and prayed about it, God lead me here…

This picture, every time I look at it, it speaks to me. Not only are the colors vibrate and pleasing to the eye, but I gaze at this teeny-tiny creature that God has created and see… faith. I see possibility.

I see the way my life should be lived out. You might be wondering how that is? As I looked upon this image for the first time, I was awed by this fragile being reaching for the sweet nectar of God’s blossom. I had to wonder if she(or he) reached a couple times, slipping without sure footing, or if instantly, this little one stood firm and delighted in the taste of sweetness.

There have been so many times in my life where the gap between where I stand and what I know God is calling me to do seemed too large for me to cross. For me to stretch.

Yet, the in-between is where faith resides. The in-between is where all the possibilities of relying on God rest.

That is why I chose this picture. I see where my faith needs a little stretching. I see where God’s infinite wisdom in all creation lays.

The heavens are yours, and the earth is yours; everything in the world is yours--you created it all. Psalm 89:11{NLT}

If God created this little one and provides for all its needs… won’t He do the same for me?

Won’t He uphold me in the in-between so that I will reach the other side?

I know He can.

I know He will.

As I journey to Choose Freedom and Live victoriously, I am being stretched with vulnerability and openness. I am being moved into a faith walk I haven’t stepped foot in before. As the picture of this little ant excites me for the path it took, I’m excited for the stepping stones God is laying before me.

I pray your year is off to a fantastic start! May God’s Presence carry us through each and every day!

Blessings!

2012 Challenge with Cindy Bultema

2012-01-01T16:10:00.001-05:00

To begin the New Year, I am starting a new challenge. I posted briefly about it on my last post.

Cindy Bultema from She Sparkles has started this fantastic challenge and even has a give-away for each new scripture memorization. There are many ways to get your name into the drawing. Please jump over to her latest post where she shares what scripture we are starting with.

You might wonder why I’m participating in this challenge?... About a month ago, I had to finally buy a new bible. In all honesty, I was devastated. I tried all I could to keep my NAS intact.

Yes, I duct taped it together. But, sadly, the pages are beginning to fall out. As I browsed the bibles in our local Christian store, I truly realized how much I depend on my bible. I depended on its specific translation and where every verse I had memorized was. I couldn’t always tell you which chapter and verse, but you can bet I knew where to turn—left or right side, half way down, at the top, on the bottom.

Although I know my bible is my sword, it is that which I live my life by, fight the enemy by and search to know the Father-heart of God, I should not be so dependent on one book.

David tells us-- I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.{Psalm 119:11}

Each verse that I memorize this year places me one step closer to hiding the treasures of God’s word in my heart.

My new bible, an NLT version, is already becoming a favorite. I’m learning and digging. I pray I don’t become dependent on this one but what truly lays between each and every page… the truths that need to be stored within my being.

We'd love to have you join us in this 2012 A-Z Scripture Memorization.

Blessings to you as yo begin the new year!

Freedom's Choice

2011-12-31T08:33:00.001-05:00

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. {Hebrews 6:18-19 NLT}

Reading these scriptures a couple weeks ago, three things really struck me about my life…

1.       Do I truly believe God for what He says?

2.       Do I flee to Him for refuge?

3.       Do I flee to Him with confidence?

Through the promised death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we were granted the right to enter into the Holy of Holies. Because Christ has gone before us into the inner Sanctuary as our High Priest—without fear, without wavering, we can and must enter into the Presence of the Father.

Without doing so, can I find peace and rest from the tiring circumstances of life?

Without doing so, can I find freedom from the bondage of sin?

And without doing so, how can I… how can we share our joy with the Father—Who longs to be a part of our every day existence?

When I think back to my daughter learning to walk—her tiny little fingers wrapped around my much larger ones—her excitement palpable, as my husband knelt down a few feet from us, there were no obstacles in her path to reach her Daddy. All she had to do was trust enough that he was there, take those first few steps, let go of my hands and… reach.

God calls us to reach. To believe. To trust in His promise and His oath that He isn’t a liar. That He is our refuge; that because of Christ, He cleared a way before us so that as we look over, our Daddy waits for us with His arms outstretched.

Can’t you just picture the look on His face; the love that radiates from the very Presence and depth of Him. He waits, like my husband for my daughter, with anticipation for the moment we will take those steps and reach His waiting arms.

When God promised reconciliation for man and Himself, He saw you. He knew I would be one of the precious ones to believe. He knew you would be. And in our belief, isn’t that where our confidence should come from?

Belief that God is Who He says.

Belief that if He promised, He will do.

Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God's servant to proclaim it. {Colossians 1:22-23}

As 2012 stands ready, I am surrendering to the knowledge that not only do I want to stand on the truth and promises of God’s word, but I need to. I’m surrendering to the fact that God wants me… me! in His presence. Our Father longs to be in our lives. He longs to shoulder our burdens and share in our laughs. And He most certainly wants to be the strength we possess and use to be victorious.

Victory is ours! Victory over death’s hold; victory over the bondage of living in a fallen world.

We’ve got to stand firm and choose to believe God at His word. We’ve got to choose freedom from fear, self-doubt, and condemnation. We’ve got to choose freedom from the lies of the enemy, from the things that lock us up and keep us bond.

When Christ rose again, He gave us freedom from all things.

So, for 2012, I choose to surrender.

But, from here on out… I choose freedom.

P.S. This year, I will be joining Cindy Bultema and many other's to memorize 26 scriptures in 2012. We'd love to have you join us. Hop on over to her blog and find out more about it!

2011 is ending

2011-12-27T16:49:00.000-05:00

to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

That’s the definition given on Dictionary.com for persevere. As the days are closing in to mark the end of 2011, I am looking back over the year. Pictures flash through my memory of what happened through the last 361 days. As each snippet projects itself, I’m asking, “Did I truly persevere? Did I really persist in each circumstance and situation that came about?”

Although I’ve stumbled and fallen throughout this year, I’ve gotten up, scrapes and bruises in place and moved on, knowing that there is always a reason. Some falls have left scars but those scars are testimony to the struggle I’ve had and the victory I’ve won. Others, the scars are testimony to battles I am still fighting. But, it’s okay. I will continue to fight. I will continue to keep my head up and look to the One who will give me strength and wisdom.

God is shifting my heart, moving my spirit in a way that is new to me. It’s foreign. But, I’m looking toward these changes with fresh perspective for the year ahead. I’m taking what I learned this year and I’m applying it to the new journey I feel the Father leading me on. Leading my family on.

Where my God is taking us… I’m not exactly sure. And I’m not freaking out about that! Imagine! For once in my life, I’m actually looking forward to the unknown. Man, oh man! I never thought I would say that.(You may have to remind me a time or two in 2012.)

I hope you look back at 2011 and see ways the Father has stretched you and changed you. If you wouldn’t mind sharing, leave a comment. I’d love to hear news from you.

And check back in a couple days—my much needed face-lift for this blog is coming! I’ve been playing with some graphics and am finally satisfied with what came about. To begin the new year, I’ll have a new word, a new song, a new graphic… and a Starbucks gift card give-away.

Blessings!

Would I go back

2011-12-22T11:43:00.000-05:00

December 23, 1998

How many times have you said, “If I only knew then what I know now.”? How many times have you wished you could go back and tell yourself a few things? What are the little tid-bits you’d love to say to yourself?

I wonder what I’d say if I could go back to 1998 and look that 20 year old woman/child in the face. Maybe I’d say something like:

▪ Life is hard. It's not what the TV screen portrays—the grass is not greener on the other side. People will hurt you, destroy you if given the chance, but there is even beauty that can come from the ashes of blazing fires.

▪ Look deeper than the smile on someone's face. Look into their eyes; don't just hear what comes from their lips, but read what is written on their heart. Everyone has pain, some deeper than others. There are times we've got to dig into what seem like bottomless pits and push past someone’s barriers. Walls are erected to keep others out, to keep oneself protected. No one likes to be vulnerable.

▪ Don't sweat the small things. Bending yourself out of shape because someone hurts your feelings or looks at you the wrong way--brush it off. Move past their reactions to you. Step away from your emotions and look at the big picture.

▪ There comes a time in life when you can’t explain things away with, "It's the way I was raised."... Generational bondage is real and it can sink it’s talons into a life, stunting change. Growth will either meet reality or a legacy stays stagnant.

▪ Forget preconceived notions of marriage. It's not all roses and sunshine. Dark moods will come. Flowers will wither and rot. A good marriage is hard work. It takes both parties to fight; to pray and be founded on solid principles together.

▪ Submitting is not a foul word. It's doesn't set the women's movement back... It causes us to step forward in faith and belief of the One who has our lives nestled in the palm of His hand.

▪ Love hurts. Love heals. Love is what matters. Love of God and for God. Love of people and love for people. Looking passed the nitty-gritty, the dirty stink of life, of flesh and seeing a lost soul--and sticking… that's what counts. That's what matters. That's what pleases the Father.

The day Kevin and I got married, we were two immature kids thinking we knew what we were getting into. We didn't. Now, 13 years later, I am glad for our stupidity. Times have been hard, they've been less than ideal, but I wouldn't change one thing.

So, really, to go back... I wouldn't tell myself anything. I probably wouldn't have listened and I wouldn't have learned what I've learned through trial and error. And I couldn’t have gained the experience that I have now—even as little as it is.

I praise God for bringing me My Man. I cannot picture life without him.

Father, I know I mess up, daily when it comes to my marriage but each mess up is a set up for success, for learning. I thank You for the godly man my husband is. I thank You that for over 13 years he has loved me beyond my faults and failures. I thank You that he still sees me as beautiful and sexy, no matter the weight gain or bed head. Father, I pray You would bless Kevin with a wife that loves Him as you've called. May our years together continue to be founded on You and in You. Be the Rock that we stand on and the Glue that holds us together. May our love for one another flow from Your Father heart... because then it will be the type of love that is unfailing and right and just. May I be a woman who stands with her man and helps him accomplish what he discerns by the Spirit is Your will for our lives. May our eyes ever be focused on You and Your plans for us. Thank You, Father for these last 13 growing years. I pray we have so many more! In Christ’s powerful name. Amen!

Happy Anniversary to My Man!!

December 23rd.

13 Years and counting!

I'm ready

2011-12-16T21:52:00.000-05:00

8We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

These scripture verses speak the language of my heart lately. For weeks now I've been feeling beat down, crushed in spirit, and all around coming loose at the seems. I've had one to many freak out moments. And even a few crying fits as well. That is not like me. I know we are under spiritual attack right now with our mission trip to Africa approaching in February, but I also know it's more than that.

I've done it again. I've taken my eyes off the Father and placed them on the situations I see as impossible. But man -- my God is all about the impossible with man and so very possible with His powerful and mighty hands. The last few days, I have been resting in Him. Truly resting.

And can I tell you... it feels good! So very good. I want to share and yet, right now, it's still raw and intimate with God. He is taking me on a journey. One that is long over due. And that's because I've been scared to go there. But, ya know... I'm ready. So very ready.

My thoughts are with you all as we approach a new year. It's a reminder for me of new seasons in life. I pray you are journeying on yours with the Father's arms around you.

This song echoes through the chambers of my heart tonight.

Blessings!

Peace and Freedom

2011-12-06T10:19:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, we lit the second purple candle--the candle of peace.

Can I just be honest and tell you, I haven't had much peace lately. My mind has been a whirling mass of confusion--and my emotions fluctuate from many blah moments to frustration and resentment to uncertainty and conviction. This is a place I’ve been before. Unfortunately. But never have I felt like I was so adrift… so far away from God. So closed off from Him. I know His ears are open to the deepest cries of my agitated heart. I know He sees the struggle, the tug-o-war I am in every day.

And it’s not that He doesn’t want to step in and handle each and every situation.

I’m struggling to let go. It’s that simple. Control. Surrender.

All that I’ve struggled with for years... it all comes down to being vulnerable. I just don’t like it. I hate it in fact. Yet, as we lit the peace candle last night, I was reminded of the fact that God chose the vulnerability of a baby’s body to bring Salvation to the world. He chose His Son and Jesus chose to surrender.

Life is a matter of choices. I know that, but never so much as in the last couple of weeks. I have realized that each second of every day I have a choice to make. And more times that I care to admit, I choose to live my life in such a way that it defeats me. Life brings me down because I allow it too. I allow my thoughts and attitudes to color the choices I make. Instead of taking each situation and weighing it against the Truth of Gods word, I make snap decision and suffer the consequences afterwards.

I’m sick of doing that. I’m sick of living in this constant state of bondage that I’ve lived for years now. My patterns of destruction have been laid down for so long I don’t even know how to correct them.

But, there is One who does know. There is One who has the answer. There is One who knows the right answer to each choice I need to make.

And it’s time I start living for the right choices instead of looking back and regretting the bad ones I could have by-passed. I know I won’t get it right every time. Life is about living and learning… but man! I want to begin learning from the mistakes that I’ve already made so I can walk in freedom today.

Because a lowly babe came a couple thousand years ago, I have what I need to walk at liberty. Now, I’ve got to grasp it!

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Galatians 5:1(NLT)

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

2011-12-01T23:23:00.000-05:00

Oh, how my spirit lifts with the lyrics of this song. I think about the people who waited for the promised Messiah to come. I ponder all they thought about, all they dreamed about and all they yearned for from reading the Prophets of old. I probably do not yearn in the same way... Emmanuel did come. He came and fulfilled all that had been spoken about Him. Yet, I do long for His second coming. I yearn for the time when eternity will start with Him in His kingdom.

Advent has started. And I couldn't be more excited! Each year I anticipate this time; the preperation of sharing every night with my family--lighting the candle, sharing scripture, song, maybe a fun activity. We began this family tradition in 2008 and I cannot tell you all the blessings I've received from or time together and our time spent in reflection on all that God has done. Not just in keeping His promises throughout His word, but in the promises He's kept to our family.

I wanted to share some of our Advent season with you this year. As I can, I will post some of the scriptures we've read and talked about as a family. The above video I posted was the one we listened to tonight. Oh, how the words grip me.

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times did'st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Rejoice! Emmanuel came and He will come again!

This is the Advent (Wreath) we created as a family a couple years ago.The circle of wood we purchased at Lowes and stained. The candle holders are from the dollar store, as well as the candles themselves-- that's why the smaller ones are pink instead of purple or blue. Where we went didn't have what I needed. These will work anway. The stems come from trees that line our property to our neighbors. I love pulling this out every year and preparing it with my daughter. Cheap and simple, but priceless to us.

Does your family prepare with Advent? If so, please share with me some of your own traditions.

Blessings!

What's the purpose

2011-11-07T10:04:00.001-05:00

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10

Purpose – what does it mean? Dictionary. com says:

● the reason for which something exists or is done; made, used, etc.
● an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal
● determination; resoluteness
● to intend; design

As I sit and meditate on these definitions, I’m cut to the quick. I realize that my purpose lately, my intention… to wallow in the anger, confusion and frustration of my circumstances.

My aim… to be miserable.

Now, I can’t say any of you have done this before but if you have, I’m questioning our motives. Why do we set ourselves up for living each day with a mind set on destruction? Recently, that’s what it’s been for me. Historically, that’s my life.

My purpose was to allow the enemy to steal my peace and my joy. It frustrates me to think of all the times—all the moments I’ve lost that could have been filled with satisfaction instead of… self. That’s what it’s all about.

Christ wants to bring satisfaction into my life. His aim in leaving the throne, the presence of the Father was to bring sufficient and ample provision into existence for me. For you.

Ample love.

Ample forgiveness.
Joy.
Peace.

And so many other things. Yet, I struggle.

I struggle because my circumstances seem bigger than my God? In essence, isn’t that what I’m saying?

When another situation arises that my mind can’t seem to grasp or understand because I’m seeing the here and now—I’m saying God can’t possibly handle this for me, so how am I going to do it? “How is Danielle going to work this out?”

When thoughts bombard me that cause chaos and disquiet, when I allow my anxieties to multiply—I’m saying God can’t control what’s going on. He doesn’t see, He doesn’t understand. And it’s right back to asking, “How can Danielle work this out?”

So instead of laying each concern and thought and action into His cable hands, I keep them firmly grasped in mine. I keep them locked within a place of incapability.

I cannot change some of my circumstances anymore than I can change the setting of the sun. But God can. And He can change me.

God can change my attitudes, my thoughts, and my fears. He can pull each one apart, getting to the root and dig up the offending thing. And in its stead, He can place all the things Christ came to bring.

For my purpose… it’s change. Obedience. Pliability.

These things are not easy. And they won’t come over night. Especially for me. I’m stubborn. I’m willful. But, I’m also ready to get over myself. It’s going to be painful and uncomfortable—all the things I need.

Will you pray for me? Pray that my purpose would become what He wants for my life.

And if I can pray for you, please let me know.

Blessings!

He said to come

2011-10-12T11:11:00.007-04:00

However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.

John 6:37(NLT)

Fear coursed through veins that had weakened from years of abuse. Short painful breaths tried to fill lungs but it had been too long since they’d breathed sweet, pure air. Time had run away from Natalie; where she had once been a vibrant, take-charge young woman, in her place resided a middle aged, deteriorating shell.

She couldn’t tell you exactly how her life had turned into this; she couldn’t remember a specific moment to go back to to know for sure that’s where everything had begun.

And even if she could, it wouldn’t change anything now.

She’d been in this set pattern for so long it wasn’t possible for new life. A new life only came with her death. And although that appealed to her, especially at that moment, she knew it wasn’t going to happen.

She wasn’t lucky enough. Well, she wouldn’t even say luck because she didn’t believe in the concept. It was like saying everything was happenstance, that everything could be a coincidence. Not for a moment did she trust those thoughts.

Things did happen for a reason. What she was going through right now, that was because she’d spent years living her life just the way she wanted. “If it felt good at the moment, stretch them and make them last.” That had been her motto.

Life was all about having fun. And fun for her had consisted of endless nights partying with random hook-ups. Living in the moment had gotten her from one day to the next.

Now though, now she was just trying to get through one moment at a time. Not in the way she used to. Oh, no.

Her partying days were over.

Alcohol. Drugs. Men. They were all gone.

“Temporary fixes,” her mother used to say. But Natalie hadn’t listened; her mother hadn’t understood. How could she have? For Natalie, she felt good… loved when she was with a man. When she was in a lover’s embrace, booze flowing through her system, she felt alive. It was a high she couldn’t get anywhere else, at any other time—not even when a needle brought her next fix.

At least, that’s what she’d thought.

She’d come to realize that not even those things made her feel anymore. It was as if she’d become desensitized, her body going numb to any sensation.

And her heart? Her heart had stopped feeling years ago; at least in the way of love. Now all she had was the constant ache of regret and remorse. They were not welcome emotions for her. If she could, she’d do anything to alleviate the dull throbbing that surrounded her.

“Cast all your anxiety upon me, Natalie. I care for you.”

The words sprung up within her, catching her off guard. The breath she’d taken stilled in battered lungs.

They were words she’d heard many years ago. Words her grandmother would speak to her mother. She could remember the conviction in her Grandmother’s eyes; hear the certainty in her voice. Her mother had always answered, ‘I know, mom. I know.’

Natalie, however, she didn’t know. She didn’t understand. Why would the God of the universe, the God of her beloved just-about-perfect Grandmother care about what she did anymore. Maybe… maybe at the time of her adolescence, maybe when she was young and innocent—still pure and untainted by life and bad choices--maybe then He would have cared.

But now? Now she could barely look at herself in the mirror. She was dirty. Unclean. Even to a world that had helped her become this way.

She was nobody.

Used up.

Useless.

“You are precious in my sight. For you are fearfully and wonderfully made.”

An ache so deep it resonated in the center of her bones caused Natalie to cry out, tears hot and urgent collecting and spilling from her eyes.

“No! No, Lord. Ma…maybe others but not me.” Sobs wracked her slight frame, shoulders hunching forward, arms wrapping tightly around her middle—as if she could curl herself taut enough, the pain would dull.

“Give it to me, Child. Stop fighting.”

“But…” Denial, like a beast rose up.

“I. Love. You.”

“No. You can’t.”

“I do.”

Unchecked emotion flowed down her sallow cheeks, anguish pouring from her heart, her soul as around her the air shifted.

“I love you, Natalie. You. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or where you’ve been. I love you. All I want is for you to ask.”

“I don’t… know what to say.” The breeze stirred, moving over and around Natalie, the tears on her face sliding, falling. She felt as if a Presence encircled her—as if gentle soothing fingers caressed her cheeks.

“Give me your heart, Beloved.”

Tenderness tugged at her. Yearning that she’d buried so many years ago sprang to live.

Pain, it laced through her, searing with a force that stole her breath.

“LORD!”

“I am here.”

“LORD!” Fervency rang into the night, “Help me. Oh, please, Jesus help me.” For years Natalie had silenced the little abandoned girl inside her. But ever so softly, achingly she unfurled, like a petal to the rays of sunlight.

“Daddy.”

“I am here, daughter. For I will never leave you, nor will I ever forsake you.”

“Daddy,” she hiccupped a sob—using the intimate name she’d heard her Grandmother use many times when speaking of God.

Daddy. Someone who cared. Someone who loved and sheltered and protected.

“I will be those to you. Come.”

“Oh, Lord. I come. I,” tears, heart-healing, soul-cleansing, life-renewing, “I come.” From within words poured forth, “Forgive me. Forgive this wicked, self-pleasing life I’ve led. Help me to walk in the way of Your truth. Te… teach me the way your Son would have me walk. Take my life. I know there’s not much left, but what I have…” Natalie’s hands furled together, her knuckles white as she brought them against her chest. “I surrender it.”

Sorrow seared her heart, her whole body tensing, a spasm ripping through her before Natalie breathed. Soft. Smooth. Peaceful.

Tranquility reigned around her, inside her. She felt drained.

She felt alive.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Have you every felt like Natalie? Like eveything you've done in life stood before you, blocking your pathway to the Father? Know this, Beloved, the Father will meet you right where you are. No matter what you've done. No matter what you've said... He loves you.

Jeremiah 31:3 says - The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.

Just as the Father's presence settled around Natalie with peace and love, He longs to enfold you in the same. Turn whatever it is your going through over to the only one who can shoulder your burdens and cares with ease. Know that with lovingkindness He draws you into His arms.

I, myself am reminded of this again today. I've struggled lately with my own bitterness and anger, uncertainty and faithlessness... my own selfishness. But just as Natalie surrendered her heart and life to the Father, so to do I. Again.

Earnestly searching

2011-09-14T14:27:00.001-04:00

¹ O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
² I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
³ Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
⁵ You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.

⁶ I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
⁷ Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.

Psalm 63:1-8(NLT)

I figured instead of botching what my heart was speaking, I'd just copy the Psalmist on this one.

These words speak the utterances of my heart and soul right now.

Anyone else?

Winner

2011-09-05T21:00:00.002-04:00

Well, ladies, thank you for your words and prayers. They comfort me and encourage me.

The winner of Renee's book is... Miss April. If you will please email me your full name and address at sojournerdkj@yahoo.com I will get your prize to you immediatetly.

Praying your week is starting out well!

A Confident Heart... and book give-away

2011-08-31T12:27:00.001-04:00

As I sit here, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, I’ve contemplated what to write. Last night, after months of fighting the good fight, my aunt’s body finally succumbed to the disease of Cancer.

But her spirit, her soul, we know is dancing, resting, rejoicing in the Glorious company of our Savior.

She has a new body. A new name.

I am almost jealous of her; jealous that she no longer lives in a fallen world, but in a place filled with the Presence of her amazing Creator. I am jealous that she no longer has to think about earthy things, that her mind will no longer be consumed with the cares and worries of this life. Instead, she knows pain and suffering and heartache no longer.

I am jealous. Yet, I rejoice.

I rejoice for her and smile. I am reminded that it’s not only when we pass from this life into a new, that we can rest and dance in the Glorious presence of our Father. We can do those things now.

And with confidence.

A few months ago, I was asked to review a new book coming out by Renee Swope. A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises. The title alone held my interest, but as I turned page after page, my heart and soul clung to the promises found within.

As a woman who has struggled with confidence issues her whole life—whether with body issues, academia, sports, being a wife, a mother, a Daughter of the King… thoughts of failure bombard my mind on a constant bases.

Reading Renee’s words, her struggles, I was reminded that I am not alone, whether I have a sister in Christ to share the burden with, I have a Heavenly Father that can shoulder any issue, circumstance or thought without it weighing Him down. His shoulders are broad enough, strong enough and capable enough to withstand anything I bring.

Finding the truths of this fact in God’s word and in Renee’s book have given me the assurance I need in my Savior, my LORD to move into today even as we face days of sorrow ahead.

Yes, there is sorrow, yet we rejoice. Sorrow may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning!(Psalm 30:5) Amen and Amen.

My desire is for you ladies to understand the confidence we can find in God. It’s a confidence that will last and endure. It’s a confidence that IS our Father. Because of this, I want to share a copy of Renee’s book with one blessed winner. To enter, please leave a comment telling me why you’d like to win. I will announce the winner next Monday.

I want to thank Revell Publishers for the free copy and for the opportunity to be a part of this blog tour.

Please visit Renee's blog for your own copy of this amazing book and for encouragement every day. Renee Swope - A Confident Heart

As I close, I’d like to share an entry from my aunt’s journal that we read this morning. It’s dated back in October after she found out about everything.

Praise you, Dad. I’m not sure about all that is going on. I just know I am healed and delivered and You are with me. I know this is for Your glory and I’m glad I can be used for You. I just don’t always understand. That you are in control is what blesses me. Without you in my life, there would be no life. Help me, Dad, to never be discouraged or to forget what You are doing in my life. Keep me straight, Father. Knowing the truth and walking in it.

Parched

2011-08-16T21:35:00.000-04:00

I’ve been here before; on the precipice of indecision. Knowing what I should do… but not really caring to do it. That’s what I text to a friend the other night.

Lelia was my roommate at She Speaks this year. I love this woman and know I can be real with her. Know that I can share my heart and not be judged. It’s a freeing feeling when you can be that way. As we text each other two days ago, she stated that she’d been in a fog since SS.

I know!! I have been the same exact way. I can’t press in and I don’t care to. I mean, I do, but not enough to be doing anything about it.:-( Those were my exact words. And I realize as I listened to her, as I see other women posting about their struggles since coming back from the conference, my eyes are opening to something pretty significant.

God has some mighty and powerful things planned for the 650+ women who attended.

It is no co-incidence that we are all being attacked spiritually right now. As I open myself to the battle going on around me and hear it from my sisters, I see that sometimes we are never more vulnerable then when we come back from a mountain top experience.

And that’s what She Speaks is. God calls. We surrender. Sometimes with fear and uncertainty; sometimes with excitement and nervous anticipation.

We pack our bags, the whisper of God’s voice imprinted on our hearts and minds. We arrive and the experience is more than we ever thought possible. Confirmation comes. A revelation of what God is truly asking. Or maybe it’s a waiting period—but we still know that even in the waiting, God is still speaking.

Leaving is always hard. Not just leaving the girlfriends and relaxation of being served behind, but leaving the presence of God that is so tangible. Life is thrust back at you as soon as you step inside your door. Or maybe it hit when waiting in the airport for a flight. It doesn’t really matter where it happens, it’s just the simple fact that it does.

But, even in those moments, God’s presence is still just as tangible.

I think we forget that when we’ve walked off the mountain top, His Spirit is still just as powerful, just as all-consuming. At least I seem to.

I’ve woken up every morning since She Speaks and dug into my devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. And each morning speaks directly to my parched soul. I drink it in. I eat it up. I meditate. Two hours later… an hour later…. Five minutes later, I’m parched again. Except this time, I don’t go back to the Source. I just let that shriveled feeling continue and I go about my day.

Why?

That’s a good question. One I’ve been asking the Father lately. I don’t know about anyone else but what I’m beginning to see in myself is this… Those mountaintop experiences are thrilling, satisfying, intoxicating. There is no other feeling like it. But with God’s overwhelming Presence, fear creeps in.

Fear of what He will ask next.

Fear of failing in the task He’s called me to.

Fear of disappointing Him.

So instead of stepping into the path He’s laid out, I shrink back. I don’t let go of His hand because I am still clinging to Him for support, for affirmation, for love… but my grasp is linked with an arm that’s extended as far as it will go, my body pulled away from Him. I don’t present my back, though; I face His direction because I need the link… however, it’s on my terms. It’s on only what I can handle.

He knows I can handle more. He’s knows He’s already prepared me for more, but I’m slow. I’m nervous and scared. Yet, He’s ever so patient. I know He’s just waiting for me to acknowledge the fear and where the root comes from.

Sometimes, doesn’t it just seem easier to stay in the fear? There is no unknown if fear stays. Limitations and boundaries have already been set.

You know what? I’m sick of being blocked in. Really. Truly. In Jesus name, I want to have those mountaintop experiences even in the valleys. Do you know what I’m saying?

So even though I said I didn’t care, I do. Now, it’s up to me to get that caring from my head into my heart and into the rest of my being.

Tenderly aching

2011-08-11T15:11:00.000-04:00

There is an ache buried deep within my heart. It started over eleven years ago and it’s steadily progressed with time. I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away. Sometimes, it consumes me. So much so, that it catches me off guard and there’s a hitch in my breath.

Other times, it’s slow and swelling, my chest expanding until I don’t think I can hold anymore breath. It doesn’t matter what time of the day or night it is, sometimes the ache is more pronounced.

There are times I wish it would go away… and there are times I pray it never leaves.

This ache, it’s not one that truly hurts. Oh, no. It’s sweet. One that I cherish.

The first time I felt it, was the first time I felt my daughter kick within my womb.

The second time, when I placed my hand upon my protruding stomach and called her by name. Bethany.

The third and fourth, watching her body move within mine and seeing the effect it had against my skin. My husband and I looked on in wonder.

So many times through the years as I’ve watched my daughter grow, the ache inside me has grown. It encompasses me and fills me.

It took me a while to realize that what I was feeling, it was love. It took me a while to realize that love could ache in such a way.

Like I said, there are times I wish it would go away. It’s a reminder to me that there’s a being whose a part of me. A part of my flesh and blood. She’s a reminder of all the things good and right in my life, and also those things I want to forget.

This ache is also a reminder of the precious life she carries within her. Not in another human being, but in the Life of Christ. I ache for the person she is now, for the young woman I want her to be and the one I see God calling her to be.

Aching is not always a bad thing. It’s an expanding thing. It’s a marvelous thing.

Through the years, as she’s blossomed and grown, so have I. I’ve flourished under the watchful care of the Father. I’ve gone to His word for guidance on how to raise such a precocious one. I’m getting the privilege of watching her own faith journey begin.

And I wonder… I wonder when her ache will begin. Will it be recognized with life as a mother? Or will it begin in the service of being on the Mission Field.

I don’t know for her. But God does. God knows what aches will fill her heart and expand her, helping her to become the woman she’s foreknown to be. He has already seen her future, her past and her present.

He sees the deep recesses of her heart and knows which tender places will be broken and mended. He knows her better than I. And even though she was formed and created in my womb, she has always been and always will be known by the Father. In a way I will never know.

So, I ache. Today. Yesterday and I know I will tomorrow.

But, it’s a sweet ache. A treasured ache. Because with it comes the realization that the one I called by name in the cradle of my body, is also the one God has called by name before the foundations of the world.

And that causes me to ache.

Softly. Lingeringly. Powerfully.

Men are whimps and I'm mean

2011-08-04T11:45:00.001-04:00

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

This was not my prayer or attitude yesterday. In fact, if you could have jumped inside my head, I would have shocked you. Like, gasp out-loud and question the girls relationship with God, shocked you. I can giggle about it now. Really, I can, because the longer I walk with the Father, the more I realize I’m normal. I’m not alone in my thoughts, my words, or my actions.

I’m just real with myself and with those around me. I don’t hide the fact that I get angry. I don’t hide the fact that there are times I could slap someone silly and laugh while doing it. I wouldn’t. Maybe.

My husband has been out of work all week with severe back pain. I feel bad for him. I do. I know what that pain is like. I know how it is when you feel like you can’t stand and sitting hurts just as much, so you think laying down will help. It doesn’t. Not one tiny little bit.

But, I am not a nurse. I am not a nurturing person when it comes to helping someone in pain. At least not physically. Or maybe it’s just my husband and child. Hmmm… something to ponder.

For right now though, I will tell you something. The non-nurturing, non-nurse side of me was out yesterday full force. I didn’t tell my husband to suck it up and take it like a man—that wouldn’t have been nice. I know that much.

However, by the end of the night with his crankiness, I text a friend and said, ”Girl, please pray for me! I’m about to smack the junk out of my husband!!”

Those were my exact words! I did say, pray for me though. That’s gotta be a good thing.

You see, even though I knew my husband was in pain and I knew there wasn’t anything he could do about it, I was still frustrated with him. I was frustrated with the grunting and groaning every time he moved. I was frustrated that he was being so needy. I am not the type of person that can crawl into bed at any time of day and just lay there. And that’s what he needed from me on Tuesday.

Of course, I didn’t give him that. I prayed with him and over him and then I was out the door.

Off to run errands and help other people who needed me at the same time.

And all the while, my mind and heart are warring with each other because in all honesty, I’m tired of so many people and things pulling me in every direction. I’m tired of needy people calling me for help because they can’t or won’t do for themselves.

I know, mean, right? Yeah.

Real? You bet.

The kicker? How often do I go to God because I’m being needy? And it’s not that I can’t do for myself or won’t do for myself… it’s because I’ve tried and failed. I’ve stepped out before Him, given it my best shot and then when it didn’t work out, I’ve slunk my way into His presence looking for Him to help me.

When, all along, if I would have went to Him first, He would have been with me the whole journey and saw me through it all.

I don’t like to see myself as needy. I like to see myself as independent and strong. A real woman’s woman. I laugh out loud here. I am not strong. I am not mighty. Not on my own.

Just as the Psalmist said, my ROCK. God is my solid foundation. He is the force I stand on that holds me up.

That keeps me accountable.

And did He ever keep me accountable for my stinking, rotten attitude yesterday. It’s not bad for people to need me. Isn’t that why God has placed us here. To be a helpmeet to our spouses. To be a friend, a comforter, a listening ear.

If I could just shut up the part of my brain that’s linked to the enemy, I think I’d be good. Great, actually. But, since that isn’t going to happen, I’ve got to learn to magnify the part of my brain, my heart and my soul that is linked to my God, my Rock and my Redeemer. When I focus on God, on His love and nurturing, I will learn to be those things.

When I keep my eyes focused on His goodness, I won’t be so susceptible to outside influences and my own wicked flesh so I can remember that there is a man at home who is so in love with his wife that he just wants to be with her. Is that needy? Probably. Most definitely.

But, maybe I need to be a little less mean and a little more needy.

Finally

2011-07-29T08:53:00.001-04:00

I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, when I think of the event She Speaks, words bombarded my mind—yet when I try to put them to paper, coherency doesn’t form. At least not in the way I wish you would be able to understand. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it justice.

But, I will try.

As this was my third year, all the anxiety I experienced the first time was not present. Even last year as I prepared, I over analyzed why God was sending me back. And although I asked myself that question this year, I didn’t waver in the conviction of knowing I was supposed to be there.

In 2009, I went on the Speaker Track. In 2010, it was the Women’s Ministry/Leadership Track.

This year, 2011, God called me there for the Writers Track. I wasn’t one going with a book proposal and one sheet in hand—I think I would have been sick to my stomach then—God has not lead me there. Yet.

Where He did take me was into a place of submission to Him. You see, I guard my writing pretty fiercely. Yes, I come on this blog and I share, sometimes to the very heart of who I am, but more times than not, most of my musings sit in a notebook or Word document.

There are times I long to share the words God has placed on my heart, however, I don’t feel released to show them. Does that make sense?

My passion is God.

My passion is writing for Him and about Him.

Yet still, as I write my story, I see it as dark, as raw. I don’t fear sharing that side of myself—those around me see it lived, but my words do not always convey the deepest need I have.

It’s just Him.

My struggle lies in desiring to please Him, to serve Him, and to surrender fully to Him, only to have my flesh rise up and fight me at every turn.

²¹ I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. ²² I love God’s law with all my heart. ²³ But there is another powerwithin me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. ²⁴ Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? ²⁵ Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7:21-25NLT

Paul expressed this so much better than I ever could. This fight is what I go through every single day. Even as I woke up this morning, my mind was going in one direction, my body another, and my heart… my heart yearned to be near my Daddy.

I know everyone struggles. And I know it’s a matter of choice for every single one of us, but do you ever feel you are alone in your struggle, in your daily choice making?

I feel that way, a lot.

Oh, how Satan must sit there with a Cheshire grin on his smug face. He loves to see me pour out my heart on paper and then never do anything with them. When I do that, the voice of the One who lives inside me stays there. My own voice gets locked inside.

Something that was said over and over at SS was, “Find your voice.”

Find. Your. Voice.

It’s not that I have to find mine—I’ve got to let it out.

My journey began years ago, but along the way, I’ve allowed many external things and people’s judgments to silence my voice. I’ve allowed other things and other people to diminish it, but not anymore.

God has given every one of us a voice; one no greater or more powerful than the other. Just unique. Unique to the call God has placed on our lives.

So, I choose today, just like yesterday, and for tomorrow, to allow my voice to be heard. Whether it’s verbally or through the written word. I choose to give my voice a permanent say because God has given it to me.

I choose to hear His voice and obey.

Finally!

She Speaks 2011

2011-07-21T09:33:00.000-04:00

I leave today!

In just a couple hours, I will be on my way to Concord, NC for the annual She Speaks Conference. To say I am excited would be an understatement.

Each year that I've attended, God has confirmed in me more and more the call He has placed on my life with Daughters of Zion. This year I attend with a bit of trepidation for where He is bringing me next. Yet, I am stepping out in faith and believing that what He asks, He will equip me for... because I know there is no way I could do this on my own.

Nor do I want to.

So, can I ask you all a favor? Would you please pray?

Pray for me and for the 650 other women who will be in attendance. Also pray for the hotel staff... that through the many women walking the halls, they will see Jesus and nothing else.

I pray for you, sweet sisters! Be blessed!

Filled or empty

2011-07-13T21:32:00.001-04:00

Driving home the other night from House Fellowship, I commented to my husband, “You know, it’s really not good for the truck when you let the gas tank run so close to empty.” In the back of my mind, I can always remember my grandmother saying, “You shouldn’t let your tank get below a fourth.” She said it all the time, so now, it’s one of those things that are ingrained. If I can help it, I keep the car I’m driving above a fourth.

My husband, however, is not the same way. His response to my statement was to answer with one of his own. “I always drive like that.”

As I turned left at the next light, his words kept playing around in my head. And my heart responded… “You do the same thing.”

I wasn’t even going to argue the point, there was no need. I knew deep down that what I was hearing was correct.

Through my years as a Daughter of Zion, I have gotten up in the morning, done a quick devotional—or not anything at all—and gone about my day.

Why do I think that by the end of the night I won’t be running on empty? Why do I think I can go about my day like that and not be running on fumes by the time I lay down?

¹⁵ Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of your time, because the days are evil.Ephesians 5:15-16{NAS}

Paul cautions us to be careful in the way we walk—to walk as wise men(women) and make the most of our time. When I don’t seek the Father first thing in the morning, for me personal, that is not making a wise decision.

From past history when I don’t spend time with God before I do anything else with my day, I can always feel a difference in me. I can feel the shortness of my tempter. I can feel the shift in my attitude.

Spending alone time with the only One who knows my heart better than me is essential to how my day is going to pan out. I can have the worst day imaginable, but if I’ve filled up with the Father on the offset, I won’t be so tempted to fly off the handle.

Is that a guarantee? No. I walk in the flesh. A lot.

But, my chances of continuing to look into the Father’s face when adversity comes so that my focus is on Him and His strength, His ability, is far greater than if I get up in the morning and focus on myself.

Focusing on me is never a wise decision. Focusing on the external circumstances in which I find myself is never a wise choice. Filtering what is going on around me through the lens God sees through, I cannot go wrong.

To do that, I must spend time with God. I must get into His word each morning. I must spend alone time with Him and seek the direction of His leading.

This has never been truer for me as the day’s progress leading up to She Speaks. It is not the conference itself for the reason I know I should be seeking the Father more. It is the call in which I know He’s placed on my life. To miss out on even one whispered word from Him is something I dread. Where He is calling me—it’s scary. It’s into waters I’ve never charted, nor did I even think I’d be one to go.

In all honesty, at times, I wish He hadn’t called me. And yet, when I seek His face, when I listen to His voice, I am humbled and awed that He would ask. And He has asked. I know that this is not something He would force. He does not force anything upon one in life. Ever.

Just as it’s my choice to accept salvation, and it’s my choice to accept the calling He’s placed on my life… it’s also my choice to get up each morning and spend time with Him.

I don’t want to live with a, “I drive that way all that time,” mentality. Unless, it is to say that I am always filled with the Spirit.

With the last few years as our economy shifts and gas prices have gone up and down, up and down and we’ve been shocked to have gas stations closed because they have no fuel… we cannot claim price gauging or the fact we have no money for gas as an excuse for why we are running on fumes.

God has given us an endless supply of energy. He has given us an endless, priceless supply for what we need to meet each and every day head-on.

Father, may we remember each morning as we awake that there is an endless source of all that we need to greet each day with Your Power and perspective on life. May we remember that You have given us all we need to accomplish each day without running on fumes. I pray we will seek You first thing and fill up so that we may finish each day with more still left in the tank. In Jesus name. Amen.”

Maybe... Perhaps....

2011-07-08T23:23:00.002-04:00

I have been redeemed; bought by the precious blood of Christ. My life has been paid for by each step that lead to Calvary. My sins have been cleared, wiped away because of the cross—because death touched my Saviors body.

However, just like death could not hold Christ captive, neither should my daily life, my circumstance hold me in bondage to thoughts and emotions that can grieve the Spirit that dwells within me.

Life did not begin and end when I received Christ.

Life truly began the day I surrendered; understanding as Christ in turn received me. Yet there are days… I live in defeat. I live in a state of mental combat and without even realizing what I’ve done, I lift my hands, drop my head and give up. It seems easier to yield to the thoughts that rage—to the imaginations that swirl.

In all honesty, it seems easier to believe the lies that are being fed to me; to gorge on them and become so bloated and weighed down there is no retreating. There is no putting up a fight.

How can one move when they’ve become so obese with the whispers of deception? A soft breath, something that barely stirs the wind around it, can wreak havoc on a person’s life. It seems small, inconsequential, but reality is that the gentle voice of the enemy can at times override and overrule the clanging cymbal of truth, of knowledge, of conviction.

His voice doesn’t have to be masked as one that is sweet and pleasant to the ears, it can be painful and hideous and yet we believe and listen.

I’ve believed.

I’ve listened.

I’ve succumbed to the temptation of riding out the feelings of anger and frustration he helps to produce. I’ve gone a step further than his whispered lies and spoken unkindly, menacingly and unrepentantly.

A life that’s been redeemed from the deepest pits and even still—knowing what its cost—I still sink back into old patterns, old traits and behaviors that were thrown away. I’ve gone dumpster diving… fishing them out again and bring them back to life.

But in their existence is death. There’s decay and destruction and a long line of mindless and senseless acts. It’s death without purpose. It’s not a life I was meant for.

My redemption was not a guarantee of a picture perfect world. However, Christ has received my paltry gift and given one in return that’s priceless and timeless.

When will I begin to operate in such a way that others see it? When will I see it? When will my Father see the return for the price He paid?

Today?

Yesterday?

Tomorrow?

Maybe… maybe it’s right now in a being that seeks forgiveness. Could it be in the tears of a heart that begs for release and freedom?

Maybe it’s in the faint, true whisper of a child that’s been redeemed but on occasion gets lost along the way.

Maybe…

Perhaps....

But God will redeem my soul from the power of Sheol, for He will receive me.
Psalm 49:15

Onward

2011-07-04T09:59:00.001-04:00

New Jersey is all I remember it to be. Beautiful. Fun. I love getting to show my daughter where my old stomping grounds were as a child. She can’t believe we walked everywhere, no matter the weather. I wish we could go back to those days. I think she wishes she could have some of those days. Where we live, though, is not a place you can walk 100 yards to the nearest corner store or even a half mile to the town pool. We live a good 10 minute drive outside of town and that’s by taking the back roads.

We do find ways to be active though. Even though its HOT outside. Oh, not here in NJ, at the moment. The weather has been so cool that I’ve been a little cold here and there. I am not looking forward to going home to 95-100 degree temps. Everything we do will be completed first thing in the early morning so we can beat the heat.

I’m ready to be home though. I’m ready to see my man and the menagerie of dogs in our yard—we have one of our own, and for now, we are taking care of my mothers and my aunts dogs. I’m ready for that to be over. I love animals, but I do not enjoy their “summer odor” in the yard.

This week I’ve had some progress and some delays, but I’m still persevering! My daughter and I went on a bike ride the other night. Oh my did my quads feel it. In a good way. I’m hoping the weather clears up today so we can go again; it’s rained since 2AM yesterday morning.

Onward I go…

© Tracking points—Can I just say I gave up.LOL No, I haven’t. Doing okay for this week.

© Exercise is going… going. Bike rides. Long walks. Jumping Rope.

© Stayed pretty close to target.

© Not at 40 but close.

© Still on vacation.

© Not quitting! EVER!

© I haven’t been able to read anyone’s and I’m sorry for that. Will catch up after we get home.

© Drinking plenty of water! And Iced Latte’s from Dunkin. I don’t drink coffee, but this is delicious!!!

© Didn’t get to make a local meeting, but I did get on my MIL scale. I don’t think it’s right, but if so I’m up 1-2lbs. I’m not stressing though. I think that’s pretty good considering where I am. It will come off as soon as I get home.

I hope everyone is doing well! Like Debbie said, ”Stick with it!!!”

Persevering through temptations

2011-06-28T10:38:00.001-04:00

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
James 1:12

It is my hearts desire to be approved by the Father. I have had many seasons in life where I could feel God’s approval… as if it were a true physical touch upon my back, and an audible voice in my ear, “I am so proud of you.”

And there have been seasons in my life where I swear I could feel His disapproval. In my mind, I can picture the look on His face, the heartbreak in His eyes and the sadness that covers His features.

Some may call me crazy for these feelings—and some have—but it’s me. It’s how I am with my Daddy. Personal. Real. Alive.

No matter what season I’ve been in, there is always one thing that remains the same: His love for me. I can always count on the truth of God’s love for me. It never wavers. It never falters, nor does it ever fail me.

Because of this, I feel Him whispering to my heart that for 2011, my word is persevere. I have never had a word before. I’ve never thought about it. But, as I’ve watched myself stumble through years of ups and downs, I see the upside of claiming one word. I see the encouragement and edification it can bring.

persevere = to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

As I’ve spent the last week on vacation in Upstate NY and Pennsylvania—and now being in New Jersey—I’m facing many temptations. In all honesty, I’m facing trials left and right when it comes to food choices. For those who’ve never struggled with food, you won’t understand my specific issue, but for those who do, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Having been raised in New Jersey I am used to certain foods. I love certain foods and in my mind, coming back here, I’m supposed to have the foods I can’t get in North Carolina. It’s all a mind-set for me. One that is powerful and effective.

I’m learning to be stronger. I’m learning to persevere through the temptations even though my test buds are screaming and my stomach is protesting the fact that I won’t give them what they want. It’s hard. So very hard. And I haven’t won each battle.

I’ve given up on some without putting up any real fight, but as I come into another week, my choices will be determined on my long term goals. They will be determined by the fact I want to have a life that is lived powerfully and effectively… one that will make my Father proud of the choices I make.

My true end result is a smile on the face of Dad and a body that’s healthy and able to do and be of service to others. So… here are my results for the week.

© Tracking points—not so good here on a daily basis, but I went back to each day and accounted for my food. Good and bad.

© This was my biggest stumble this past week. I had about one day or true exercise. But, I was up and at it this morning. Where my mother-in-law lives, you have to climb two pretty steep hills to get to her house. It will push your car, so imagine my body!! I was huffing and puffing and sweating. It was great!!

©I didn’t stay on target every day, but I still ended the week with Points Plus left over.

©I didn’t even come close to 40 activity points.

© It’s hard to post while on vacation, but I’m posting today.

© Not quitting! EVER!

© I haven’t been able to read anyone’s and I’m sorry for that. Will catch up after we get home.

© Water was harder to get in this week because of being on the road so much, but I’m already overfilled today.LOL

© Not sure about my weight right now, but I’m not worried about it. I hope to make a local meeting here at the end of the week.

A Confident Heart and Summer Challenges

2011-06-21T16:33:00.002-04:00

Another week is over and a new one is beginning! And this week, I find myself in Fort Drum, NY! My daughter and I are here visiting with a friend and her family. Audrey and Jason Byers are stationed here as Jason is a Chaplin in the army. Their two children, Abram and Gabrielle are keeping us entertained and amused!

The weather here is so beautiful! I left 95 degree temperatures, where you could barely breathe when you walked outside, to temps that make me want to find a hammock somewhere and just lay around with a good book.

And speak of books; I have to share one with you now. A few months back I had the opportunity to read an advanced copy of Renee Swopes A Confident Heart. I can no better express myself than when I first finished reading it and posted a review on Amazon. This is what I had to say:

Let me first start by saying I've never done a review like this. I don't know if the words I use will be able to convey the depth of my satisfaction in Renee's book. I went into reading the book with the expectation that I knew I was going to take something away from it. I got so much more.

Living in today's world, we as women think we've got to be it all and get it all done... and perfectly. It's deception that has us thinking this way and it's deception that has us feeling like utter failures when we cannot accomplish this task. We were never made to accomplish this life on our own. Without Christ, we are just moving about everyday life, 'striving'... but with Christ, we find the confidence, ability and strength to complete every task He sets before us and everything that this life has to offer.

Renee's book is not just one that quotes scripture to you, but she is a living example of what those scriptures lived out are. She is very vulnerable in expressing her past and even her present. She doesn't pretend to be someone she isn't. She has learned her limitations and realizes that finding who she is in Christ and replying on Him is key to a Confident Heart. Casting aside the worlds views, she takes us into the Heart of God--into what the Father has to say about us and how much He loves us.

If you are struggling with your past, with where you feel God is leading you but you don't feel confident because of the things you've done... Renee's book will guide you into ways of overcoming the hurdles that block your path in stepping into God's will for your life.

Go and pre-order your copy now. You will not be disappointed!

Now, onto the Slimmer This SummerChallenge.

© I didn’t reach my 40 activity points, but I’m not worried about it. With my daughter and I on vacation this week, I’m being creative and I bought a jump rope! I haven’t done it in YEARS, so hopefully I’ll be okay.

Since my daughter and I were traveling yesterday, I want to go ahead and post my Monday thankfuls:

142. God’s guiding hand.

143. Love and understanding from a godly man.

144. The beauty of the American country side.

145. Rain that replenishes the earth even if I couldn’t see 5 feet in front of me.

146. Rental cars!!

147. Friends that open their home for a visit.

148. The sound of children’s laughter when you make funny faces.

149. Tears that can mean a sign of healing.

150. Possibilities!

151. Answered prayer.

152. Waiting on answered prayer because no matter what, the Father is always near.

153. A life changed in Christ.

154. Service men that protect our country.

155. Men willing to sacrifice so others may live.

156. Mobility of arms and legs.

157. Eyes that see.

158. Weight Watchers!

159. The scale with a smaller number.

160. Clothes getting loose!

Multitudes on Monday and Summer Challenge

2011-06-13T08:33:00.000-04:00

Establish my footsteps in Your word, and do not let any iniquity have dominion over me.
Psalm 119:133

Oh, how I needed to read this scripture today. It reached right into my heart and squeezed. It was painful. It was good. I know there are many scriptures I could quote to myself as I journey on this road to losing weight, but I haven’t been allowing them to really penetrate my thick skull and seep into my stubborn heart.

Do you ever feel that way?

I knew as I began the Slimmer This Summer Challenge that I would be tested. Over and over. And over again. But, man! It has been one really hard week!! I’ve had successes and I’ve had stumbles. But, I am not wallowing in those stumbles. And, you know what, I don’t care.

If some of my stumbles along the way can get me to where I want to be, to where I need to be, then they’ve been worth it. I’m trying to learn that stressing over past failures or slip-ups only keep me in a never ending cycle of defeat.

Do I wish I had less stumbles? Yes. But, being unsure in my steps keeps me reminded that I need to keep my hand in the Fathers because only He can make my feet sure.

So, while I am not sure of my weight at the moment: my weigh in days at WW are Tuesday, I will share the rest of my week.(And I know I could wait to post until Wednesday, but my daughter and I are leaving—hopefully tomorrow morning—and heading to Upstate NY. Whew! 15 hours of driving.)

© I’ve tried to comment on as many blogs as I can, but seriously, Blogger hates me. I know others are having trouble to, but it really frustrates me! So, if you commented on my blog last week, I’m sorry if it seems like I did return the blessing. I did try. I had to go anonymous because Blogger won’t keep me signed in. And if you don’t have anonymous comments on your blog, I couldn’t leave anything.

Please know that I am cheering for all of you, though!

I know I’ve missed this for the past month, so I want to get back to it.

121. God’s word and how it reaches into the heart for correction, guidance, peace, and love. Among so many others!

122. My daughter’s voice calling out to me.

123. A hard working husband who loves God.

124. Sweat from a good workout.

125. Dogs that bark when something isn’t right outside.

126. Bird’s nests holding precious new life.

127. A skilled woman who does hair! I love my new do!

128. Air Conditioning!!! So spoiled with it in the house.

129. She Speaks next month!

130. An awesome roomie for SS!

131. The fellowship of believers.

132. Opening the pages of a book and reading words about my Father.

133. Music that stirs the soul.

134. A movie that shares discipleship.

135. God’s will being seen lived out in people’s lives.

136. Friends who open their door wide for overnight visits.

137. The beauty of God’s creation as you travel.

138. A softly spoken word of encouragement.

139 The ability to help others when needed.

140. Hearing my phone ding with a text for updates on a friend.

141. L-O-V-E!

May your week be blessed beyond measure!

In Christ,

Danielle

Slimmer this Summer -- It Starts!!

2011-06-05T18:54:00.004-04:00

I know… I am so behind. I always have the best of intentions to get on here to update but … (insert excuses.) I do have a blog post that I want to share, but I’m still playing around with the thoughts on it, so I’m going to post about this instead.

While finally getting caught up on some blogs, I stopped at Sweet Angela Pea’s blog and was inspired to enter this challenge. Slimmer This Summer

This intrigues me because: 1) I’m on my own journey to lose my last 30lbs. Yup, I said 30!! For some people that might seem like an insurmountable goal(or maybe that’s peanuts for someone else), but for me—coming from where I was, it doesn’t seem so bad anymore. I’ve lost a total of 62 pounds. I can hardly believe it myself! It’s taken me years, but I’m okay with that!

I’m learning a lot of the reasons why I turn to food and what my triggers are. That’s a huge step for me.

2) My second reason—I love a good challenge. I’m hoping this is the perfect motivation to keep up the good choices and the stamina at the gym. I love being back there! Zumba and Step classes are kicking my rear(okay, they are making it SORE!) but I love going when they have it!

3) My third reason—this blog. I love this blog. I love sharing my life with you guys. I know I’m way to sporadic with it and it’s been a pattern as of late. I’m hoping this challenge will get me into a groove on here and keep me accountable.

So, in honor of this challenge, here are my goals:

Track my food intake. Make sure every point is accounted for.

Exercise at least 4 days a week. 5 if at all possible. And give everything I have to complete each technique!

Stay within my daily points allowance! No cheating. No manipulating my way through eating unhealthy.

Earn a minimum of 40 activity points a week.

Blog Weekly.(I know! This will be a challenge in itself!LOL) Share my success or backtracks on WW.

No quitting!! Realize stumbling and bumbling is okay, but my detours need to have a Road Closed sign in front of them.

Connect with other participants of the challenge and encourage them on their blogs.
Make sure I'm getting more than the suggested(8 ~ 8oz) amount of water.

Thankfulness even in the battles

2011-05-02T10:48:00.003-04:00

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

Have you ever felt like you were being hammered from all sides? That you were struggling against everyone? That you struggled with God? With yourself? With family and friends?

With everything?!

I've been going through that the last couple weeks. And the more I thought I was pressing in, the more I seemed to struggle. I hate feeling like it's a losing battle.

I hate the lies the enemy tells me!
"Just give up, you're fighting a losing battle.
Why do you even bother trying, you know you're going to fail.
You're such a loser, you will never have victory.
You can't hear the voice of God because you don't have a good relationship with Him."

I've been hearing this lately and so much more. Every time I try and use scripture to combat what I hear, another lie will infiltrate the deep places of my mind.

I seriously thought I was losing it a time or two. And do you know, even though I can write out what I am feeling at times--or at least I like to think I can--my communicating it in literal words doesn't always compute. I usually mess up the flow of speech and then I can't even figure out what I'm trying to say. It confuses the world out of my poor husband. He tries to understand, but bless his heart, his wife is one befuddled woman at times.

Even through it all though, I'm seeing glimpses of God's love and mercy towards me. I just finished reading an advanced copy of Renee Swope's book A Confident Heart. I don't know why it amazes me that the very things we can be studying are the very things we end up battling and struggling with.

A confident heart I have not had lately. But, oh my soul! Renee's book is packed with the truth of God's love in every page. It's filled with the truth of who we are in Christ and how to walk in that truth on a daily basis. Even this morning, as I posted a quote on Facebook, I was pulled into some highlights from the book that had spoken to me early on. I needed to go back today and drink in the truth of who I am in God--of the love He has for me and the confidence He wants to infuse in me through Christ.

I'd begun--again--to take my focus off the One who gives confidence and assurance and began to look at the circumstances all around me. It's not the waves and the storm I should be looking at or facing down... it's into the eyes of my Savior, of my Lord that I should be held captive by.

So, as I sit and type this, I'm choosing to look into Christ's eyes and remember all the blessings that I have at this moment.

101. Breath
102. A job where I'm surrounded by Godly influence.
103. A text from a friend telling me she's praying for me.
104. The love of a Godly man.
105. A husband that prays for me.
106. My daughter's voice this morning as she prayed her sweet prayer for Mama to feel better and her hives to go away.
107. Healing from the Healer.
108. Provision from the Father even if I can't see it yet.
109. Water that quenches the thirst of the soul.
110. Physical water that flushes the toxins from my body.
111. A relationship with my dad that I never thought I'd have.
112. Peace of knowing where a loved one goes when they die.
113. The knowledge that school will be out in a couple weeks!
114. Insurance that paid the damages to our car from hail--with no deductible.
115. Scrapbooking with friends.
116. Times with new friends and sharing testimonies.
117. Feeling God's love.
118. The truth of God's word No. Matter. What.
119. Learning my past does not have to define who I am today.
120. Christ IS the Armor of God.

Thankfulness

2011-04-18T22:54:00.000-04:00

Where does the time go?

82. Weight Watchers Desserts.
83. Friends to share with.
84. She Speaks coming up.
85. Good results at the doctors for my daughter.
86. People who pray when you ask.
87. Sweet smelling lotion on the hands.
88. A waist that's slimming down.
89. Conversations with my mom.
90. The smell of clean laundry.
91. All the clean dishes in the drain because that means there's no dirty ones.
92. Work tomorrow.
93. A half day on Thursday.
94. Spring break begins Friday.
95. DOZ meeting Wednesday night.
96. God's gentle nudge in the morning.
97. Scriptures that speak directly to the heart.
98 Feeling the persence of God.
99. A husband that shaves a go-te because he knows his wife loves them on him.
100. Knowing that the Lord died for me, then rose again, and is now Living for me!

He Speaks... I follow?

2011-04-16T09:33:00.000-04:00

Many of you know that in 2009 and 2010 I attended the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference. It was by God’s leading and providing that I was able. It was through His leading and providing that I was capable. Each of those times that I went, I was blessed beyond measure.

The ladies of Proverbs 31 Ministries spend months praying and planning for the 600+ attendees. Their heart is to reach out to all women, showing them that it doesn’t matter what past you have, it doesn’t matter what your present circumstances might be—God wants to use you right where you’re at. Every one of us has a story to tell. Every one of us has testimony to the goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness of the Father—we can all attest to the power of His love in our lives.

Yet so many of us feel inadequate to step into the roles He’s called us into. At She Speaks, attendees are given tools they need to feel confident in stepping out for the Lord. They are equipped for the building up of the saints.(Eph. 4:12) The weekend is packed with sessions on topics that pertain to Speaking Ministries, Writing Ministries, and Women’s Ministry. For those that are writers and seeking to have the works of their hearts published—actual publishers are there, with set up meetings to share in the beginning of a journey, if God so chooses to keep those steps aligned at the time.

For me personal, this year will be for writing. I’m nervous and scared and very excited. I know where the Lord is leading and I’m stepping out in faith that where He leads, I will be able. I didn’t sign up for a publishers meeting, I’m not there yet. But, every session I’ve joined, it’s been with much prayer and thought. Each session will equip me further with the message God has placed on my heart for young girls.

I have prayed, meditated and talked with some of the closest people to me. Even though each year God has been faithful in His promise to me, I still waver in watching Him provide the money to go. This year, I’m not wavering. This year, I’m stepping into faith that even if I can’t see yet what’s going to happen… it will happen. God always provides!

My question to you: would you prayerfully be a part of God’s provision. I have never asked this on my blog before, or on Facebook… but I hear a whisper inside me that I’m to share this time. Some of my friends and family have received a letter and I ask you the same: Please pray for me.

Whether God leads you to help provide in the total of the $600 I need to collect or He leads you to partner with me in prayer, know that I appreciate you! In Christ, I love you!

To find out more about the conference, you can go to P31 She Speaks Conference

To donate money towards my attending, you can send a check to:

Proverbs 31 Ministries
She Speaks Scholarship/Danielle Jones
616-G Matthews-Mint Hill Road
Matthews, NC 28105

Please be sure to designate my name on the check so it will be credited to my scholarship fund. You will be receipted for your tax-deductible donation.

Or, you can call their office and set up payment through them:

877-P31-HOME (877-731-4663)
704-849-2270

If you pray, please pray this over me:

1. I would be fully surrendered to the LORD for what He is asking.
2. My heart would be at peace and without fear of the unknown.
3. My mind would be a slate God can write on to accomplish His will.
4. That I would trust and believe He will provide all I need—spiritually, financially, emotional, and mentally.

And please pray for all the attendees and P31 workers and volunteers. May their hearts and minds be guarded as they prepare for the conference.

Rich in Thankfulness

2011-04-11T10:23:00.002-04:00

Oh, there is so much to share and not enough time!! I cannot express in words all that the Lord has been doing. It's amazing to see how He works! Even through the trials, I see the hand of our Loving and Powerful Father as He molds and shapes His children!

60. Breath of Life.
61. Words of Love.
62. Spirit moving.
63. Eyes that see the beauty of ALL God's creation.
64. Will vessels in Christ.
65. New beginnings.
66. Romancing by my husband.
67. Chocolate.
68. Fresh, fragrant strawberries.
69. Conversations and giggles late at night snuggled in your childs bed.
70. Ache's and pains that show you're still alive.
71. A God honoring job.
72. Ministering to the lost.
73. Hearts being changed.
74. Mirrors that do not define.
75. Scars that remind us of things in the past.
76. New wounds healing that show the mercy of God.
77. Provision provided even when we don't see it yet.
78. Grapes that burst flavor on the tongue.
79. Pitter-Patter of feet on tiled floor.
80. Spring break in 2 weeks!!!!
81. Oatmeal

And... and! 82. The very first devotion being posted on Daughters of Zion's blog. You can check it out here. Mirror Mirror.

If you know any young girls from the ages of 8-14 that are looking for a safe place to interact with other God Girls... please send them there. It will be a place they can go to: share in God's word in devotion. Discuss and ask questions that are related to their age and what's going on in their lives. They will be able to submit their own devotions, poetry, short stories, art work, and videos of themselves--all material must be God honoring and be relevant to their walk with the Lord and how to live a life in Christ in a world that is Anti-Christ. Parents must send me approval for all Daughters of Zion to participate. Contact information and much more is posted on the blog.

Thankfulness

2011-04-03T18:46:00.000-04:00

39. Sun that shines and warms the face.
40. An iPhone to post even when driving down the road.
41. Keith Greene's legacy.
42. Knowing God created all the beauty we beheld yesterday.
43. Werther's Original Chewy Caramels.
44. God's restoration in marriage.
45. The power of prayer.
46. God confidence.
47. Flip flops.
48. Jergens Ultra Healing lotion
49. Daughters that say, "You're the best Mama I've ever had."
50. A husband that wants to romance me. "If I remember how", he says.
51. Birds that fly.
52. Blossoms of Spring.
53. Winds that change.
54. Moldable hearts.
55. The turning of book pages.
56. Merciful travels.
57. Crisp apples.
58. Juicy oranges.
59. Tastebuds.

O Daughter of Zion

2011-03-30T22:15:00.002-04:00

Are you not beautiful
O daughter of The King
Have I not arrayed you with a crown beyond splendor
Rubies and diamonds cannot compare to you
You, Precious one, are a fragrant blossom
Sweeter than rose or lily
Honey does not compare to the taste of your name upon My lips
It is with joy I have inscribed you on the palm of My hand
With delight I look upon your face
With love I enfold you in My arms
You, O daughter of Zion, are Mine
Beloved, I call you
Chosen one
Redeemed
You are worth far more than jewel or gemstone
Sunrise nor sunset compare to your beauty
It is for you that I gave all
For you, I give all that I Am
Place your hand in Mine
Together we will walk the path of life
My daughter, My Princess
I love you
With a love everlasting, I will cherish you

Oh, to know the true value of our worth in the eyes of our King. To have revelation knowledge that He no longer sees the sin of our past or even those of our present and those in our future, but He sees Christ Jesus in us and through us and because of this, we are most precious to Him. That is my hearts deepest desire—to know, live, breathe, and share that message.

Over at a holy experience Ann has the privilege of offering a She Speaks Scholarship -- provided by Cecil Murphey to one blessed woman. I pray to be her!

Many of you already know about the conference, but just in case you don’t, She Speaks is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God—and it’s my heart to serve Him and His daughters, His Princesses as He leads.

God is stirring my heart so much lately that I feel like I’m on a whirlwind of excitement and nervousness… but God is with me. I see His face and feel His presence all around me.

One thing I know He is leading me to right now is to begin an online ministry with my Daughters of Zion group. I have started a blog, which I would love for you to check out and please follow. I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do with this new endeavor He’s taking me on.

If you don’t know what Daughters of Zion are, go to the top of my page and click on the DOZ tab. And don’t forget to hop over to the new blog and have a look. Just click on the image below. All comments are welcome!

In Christ!

Home

2011-03-23T10:44:00.001-04:00

I'm home! Man, when we touched down in Chicago last Thursday, I never thought I'd be so happy to be in America. That's not to say I did not love being on the mission trip... I was just filled with expectation that in a few hours I'd get to see my BabyGirl again! 10 days without my daughter was hard. So very hard.

I cannot imagine being The Father with all the children He has... how He must miss those that are not close to Him.

Nepal is a beautiful country; dirty in many places, but so beautiful with its vegetation, hills, mountains and rivers. At least, that's what I looked at in the village we stayed in for five days.

Everywhere there is open space--they plant. It's how they live and survive.

Anyone who's ever heard about mission trips before or been on one will tell you of winning souls to Christ, of bringing food and clothes to underprivileged people groups... our mission was different.

For the five days we spent in the village, we trained believers on the Five Commands of Christ, on House Church, and on the Four Fields. I wish I could convey to you the hunger of those that attended this training.

Every session, every word spoken and translated was meditated on, soaked up and stored away in their hearts and minds. They are a group of believers from many different villages--some traveling for hours or days just to get there. Their zeal and fervor for the Lord humbles me. And it shames me to think of the times I've skipped meeting with believers because it was inconvenient for me.

The treasure we have in these earthen vessels is one that shouldn't be horded or hid. It's something so precious and miraculous that we should be boldly standing up and sharing it. Forget about what others think, forget about what others say... I need to remember the price that was paid for the life I now live.

I am not only keeping these precious memories on my computer to go back to and look at later, I am storing them in my heart so I can be spurred on for the cause of Christ. For the cause of the cross.

If 17-18 year old young woman can stand up to their family members and friends no matter the cost of torment or persecution because of their love of Christ... why can't I in a society that is just intolerant. We are not losing limbs in America. We are not losing our lives or homes or family members here.

I'm not trying to sit here and preach about the evils of America and the society we live in that's all about 'Me'... but I am searching my heart to see where I've failed to spread the message the Father has commanded us all to proclaim to the nations. And that does mean, America.

This nation is sinking fast into the dark pit, and I know there is Light inside me that can guide and lead the way. Why am I not shining the Light of Christ more?

** If you'd like to see more of the pictures from my trip, click on the Facebook tag in the right-hand side of my blog and friend me. I'd love for you to see the beauty of our brothers and sisters in Christ in Nepal.

sHe Speaks! A scholarship giveaway on Lysa's blog

2011-03-07T14:48:00.001-05:00

I really hope this works. I'm posting from phone-- so please forgive typos!! As I type this I am sitting in Charlotte Airport waiting to board our flight. 6 of us are on our way to Nepal for a mission trip, but I didn't want to miss this!!

On Lysa TerKeurst's blog she is givin away a scholarship to this years She Speaks Conference! What an awesome opportunity!

In 2009 I went to She Speaks for the first time on the Speakers track. When I heard God speak to my heart that I was to go, I thought He was kidding with me. No lie. But as time passed and I watched God's hand move with provision for the conference-and I prepared for my talk, I knew it's where I was supposed to be. Although I was so nervous I thought I'd be sick when I got there, God was with me every step of the way.

As soon as I walked into the hotel, I felt so welcomed, as if I was staying with family--all 600+ members. Every session I attened spoke not only to my spirit, but to my mind and I could grasp all they said and knew I could impliment what they suggested. I didn't know exactly what God would have me do all I learned, but as time moved, I began to see so much used in my DOZ group.

And then in 2010 when I felt lead back--on the Women's Ministry track, I praised God for the easier track... Or so I thought. Sure, didn't have to get up in front of anyone for an Evaluation group but I was challenged in every session.

God has shown me through both conferneces that when He calls, to listen and obey. Recently I had a speaking engagement and because of what I'd learned at She Speaks for both years, I knew that even though I didn't feel qualified, that God would qualify me for what He needed of me. And He did!!

I know I'm supposed to go back this year. I know the call God has places on my lifeand I k ow what He is asking of me right now. My prayer is that through She Speaks and P31 Ministries, God will continue to pave the path He's set.

As we get ready to board our flight, I ask for your prayers or myself and the 5 others going on this trip. We won't have communication after this, so if God does choose me for this scholarship, I won't know until I return on the 17th. I will be praying for all entering the contest.

May Gods will be done!!!

"Go, therefore..."

2011-03-04T12:14:00.001-05:00

Many of you have asked through email or facebook about what we’ll be doing when we reach Nepal. First and foremost, I hope it’s bringing Glory to God as soon as we step on foreign soil.

There are six of us going. Me. Kevin.(My husband) Tommy. Jeff. Darrell. And Kenny. Yup, I am the only female! (Pray for me.)

Tommy, Kenny, and Darrell will be heading up near the base camp of Mount Everest.

This picture is taken from a copy of an actual drawing a young man completed.

The Sherpa people have a population of 120,000 and their religion is Tibetan Buddhism. Their occupations are: traders, animal herders, farmers, and tourist related jobs. The Sherpa are very superstitious, lending their animistic beliefs. (Animism is the belief that everything, including non-human objects , has a spirit.) Their festivals involve both religious aspects and magic. There is about 1% Christians in the Sherpa’s—which equals about 36. Only portions of the scriptures have been translated into the Sherpa language.

My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them. Ezekiel 34:6(NIV)

Another people group is the Loba.

Another drawing done by the same young man.

These are the Loba of the Upper Mustang District. Their population is about 30,000. And likewise their religion is Tibetan Buddhism. Their occupations are farmers, shepherds, and merchants. Something amazing and astonishing—their annual income is around $216. That’s USD! No scriptures have been translated into their language yet. There are no Christians.

In Tibetan Buddhism, faith equals fear. There are 1086 demons that haunt man and animals. Many houses have carved inscriptions above the doorways to ward off these demons. Death is viewed with a sense of dread (for the next life) and hope (if this was the life that broke the cycle of rebirth). After death a man is reborn according to his deeds in his past life. Salvation is found in nirvana, a state of being in which the cycle is broken. The monks use yoga, magic, logic and meditation to attain nirvana. For others, living a life of goodness, kindness, controlling passions, and receiving blessings from lamas is the path to salvation.

And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. Revelation 5:9 (NIV)

Aren’t you glad that our new life in Christ isn’t based upon our life before Him, but based upon what He has done for us! Faith is not fear. Faith is knowing the Father loves us and has His best for us. Faith is knowing that He will reward our diligence to serve Him and fellowship with Him.

As Tommy, Darrell, and Kenny head into the mountains, they will be bringing the gospel into villages. Their translator will work with them to show the people through God’s word, and through picture and example that Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

I wish I could explain to you the ‘method’ used to approach… but I can’t in words that you’d understand. When we get back, I will take the time to post pictures of the materials we use and explain what it’s all about.

For now, if you want to know a little bit more about House Church and House Church planting, go above this post to my pages bar and click on Prayer Walking. It explains some things.

One thing I’d ask, even now, is for you to go to Mark 4:26-29. Read this passage. Meditate on it. Write notes on what God shows you. Take the next 2 weeks to continue going over it, and when I come back, we will talk about it. I’ll begin to explain more about what we do when we ‘go into all nations, preach the gospel, make disciples, and baptize in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.’

Now, as for me, my husband, and Jeff—primarily we’ll be in Kathmandu. We will be training their ‘Preachers’ on how to start House Churches, how to make disciples so the cycle continues to grow and move. We will spend days with them going over some of the same material Tommy, Kenny, and Darrell use in the villages.

Can I just tell you how excited and nervous I am! And I pray my excitement doesn’t get the best of me over there as I stand up in front of these people. We need the interpreter to understand what I’m saying!

A few of the little things we’ve been learning over the last couple weeks… things you don’t do over there.

1. The thumbs up sign. It’s like giving someone the bird! Imagine. You can’t even say good job with hand signal because they’d take offense. And, their actual good job sign… our bird! Kenny is one who’s always giving the thumbs up. We may have to tape down his digits.

2. You do not sit with your ankle resting against your knee so that the bottom of your foot is facing outward. It is another way of offending someone and telling them off! My husband is going to have such a hard time with this!

3. Do not tuck your hair behind your ears, or slide your hand across the side of your head next to your ear… unless you want people to know that you are going to use the bathroom.

4. Don’t touch children’s hair. Under any circumstances! Their superstition is that it will steal their soul! Oh, my! This is where I’m going to have a hard time! I love kids. Love touching them and rubbing heads and cheeks. Another no-no.

5. Do not refuse food. Even if they’ve already given you 3 or more plates. Ah! How am I going to do that? Just thinking about more than one is getting me full and sick already.

Ladies… pray! Pray! Pray! Cover us with your prayers as we finish getting ready this weekend, and then leave Monday morning.

Pray that my heart is at rest as we leave our daughter behind. She is staying with friends of ours that I trust wholeheartedly… but I have never been away from her without my husband being home with her. It’s going to be a learning experience for all of us.

Also, pray for God to give us revelation knowledge as to whether this will be a life change for us… or just something that He calls us to a couple times a yeaer.

Sweet Shot Tuesday

2011-03-01T11:00:00.001-05:00

Runner Mom--Susan posted on her blog that she was linking up with Darcy for Sweet Shot Tuesdays. I thought I'd join the band wagon.

I love taking pictures, but don't ever make the time to do it anymore. I'm hoping with Spring coming, and my upcoming trip to Nepal that I get back to a passion of mine.

I'm all about the butterfly!!

Thankfulness and Missions

2011-02-28T23:15:00.002-05:00

It's still officially Monday, so I'm not late this week.

28. Rain that replenishes the earth.
29. A job.
30. C4 Training.
31. House Church.
32. Low fat ice cream.
33. sHe Speaks Registration!!
34. Upcoming mission trip.
35. Hugs from Bethany.
36. Online banking.
37. A puppy who's always happy to see me.
38. Nail polish.

In exactly one week, my husband and I, along with 4 other men, leave for Nepal! I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I wish I had to time to share more now, but I don't. I will be back in a few days however to share what we'll be doing and where.

Praying for you all!

Being open

2011-02-18T11:23:00.000-05:00

For the choir director; according to the Shoshannim. A Maskil of the sons of Korah. A Song of Love. My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Psalm 45:1

I cannot sing a love song. I probably couldn't pen one, either--at least not one anyone would want to listen to. And although I love to talk, have the gift of gab, standing in front of people makes me most uncomfortable. And that's part of the reason I thought God was playing a joke on me when I felt lead to attend She Speaks for the first time two years ago.

In all my fumbling and floundering ways when it comes to being vulnerable infront of people, I'm beginning to truly see that this is another way of being open and me in front of people. Maybe I don't have to speak in your presence, but my heart is being shared as you sit and read a blog post.

So, in honor of being open and Danielle in front of you, I'm going to begin sharing some of my poetry and possibly short stories that I've written. I guess we shall see where the Lord leads this.

This poem is one of my first, and very near to my heart. Try not to speed read, but soak in the words and their meaning.

Darkness

I’ve lived in the chasm of darkness
Been fueled by the hunger of my flesh
Tasted fear and desperation
The walls of death closing around me
Pungent air choking
Haunted by endless streets without turn
Bottomless pits stood beneath me
My mind clouded by uncertainty
Devoured by heartache
Bones soaked in loneliness

Without hope for a ray of light
My soul wept for something unknown
A way of liberation from my cage
To break the chains holding me captive
Freedom was an illusion
Life was a mask
Bereavement my only option

Tears no longer being spent
Utterances but a figment of a whisper
Tricks in the mind becoming reality
Life or death
Living or losing
Specks of wanting
Desire for hope

A voice calls to me
Soothing the pain
Healing the open wounds
Caressing the scars

I have lived in the chasm of darkness
But my respite’s come
He’s surrounded the abyss
His eternal grace
Dark washes into light
His hand upon my lost vessel
His breath stirring the current
Restoring my broken wing
Shackles being unfastened

Rays of love brightening
Calmed by words of affirmation
Hushed tones spring life
Winds anew

Blessings!

Thanksgiving and Praying in Color

2011-02-16T14:17:00.001-05:00

My heart is troubled… again. But, instead of worrying and fretting, and over analyzing—which I’ve been doing the last couple days—I’m going to choose again to be thankful. I know it’s not Saturday, and I know it’s not Monday, but I need a day of Thanksgiving.

6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

I think the Father is on to something here. Don’tcha think? If there’s one thing I’ve been praying for lately, it’s peace.

17. Peace
18. Joy in trials.
19. Words of encouragement from friends.
20. A scale that went up, but knowing my worth isn’t defined by that number.
21. D.O.Z. meeting tonight.
22. Giggles from a sweet little boy.
23. Love that never fails.
24. Pain, because it means I’m still alive.
25. Glasses to see.
26. Hard, cold, juicy apples.
27. Sisters in Christ who aren’t afraid to show they’re vulnerable.

Okay, onto the other part of my title. Praying in Color is something I came across while reading Ruth’s blog recently. Ruth isn’t the inventor of this beautiful work, but she is a new partaker of the idea…and so am I. So is Bethany.

What is Praying in Color?

It's a book; it's a prayer practice; it's a workshop!

Maybe you hunger to know God better. Maybe you love color. Maybe you are a visual or kinesthetic learner, a distractible or impatient soul, or a word-weary pray-er. Perhaps you struggle with a short attention span, a restless body, or a tendency to live in your head.
This new prayer form can take as little or as much time as you have or want to commit, from 15 minutes to a weekend retreat."A new prayer form gives God an invitation and a new door to penetrate the locked cells of our hearts and minds," explains Sybil MacBeth. "For many of us, using only words to pray reduces God by the limits of our finite words."

I loved the thought of this so much that Bethany and I now have Praying in Color journals we started. Let me tell you now, I am not an artist… as in one that draws. I have a hard time with stick figures, but I felt God whispering to my soul that this was another way I could communicate my hearts desires to Him.

I am praying that this is a way Bethany can express herself without words. As of yet, she doesn’t have the gift of gab that her mother does, so prayer time for her is strenuous… but! With just her first ‘prayer’ it opened the door for something amazing!

This is hers.

The woman and child in the picture are my nephew and his mother. I have never met my nephew. I’ve seen a few pictures of him… one, PTL that is recent. He is absolutely beautiful and two years old already, but my heart is grieved by the situation. It is not a good one. Obviously, his mother and my brother are not together, and custody has never been settled. Don’t know if it ever will be. His mother is atheist and doesn’t want to hear about God. I can understand her views, the way she sees things, but I do not understand keeping a child from family. Much prayer is going out.

As for mine…

With our trip to Nepal right around the corner, and with the House Churches we are involved in, I was lead here. I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Praying your week is being filled with the Father.

Moving on to thankfulness

2011-02-12T07:11:00.000-05:00

1Those who trust in the LORD are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever.
Psalm 125:1

I don’t feel so unmovable at the moment. To be honest, I feel like waves are crashing all around me and taking me this way and that. And even yet, at the core of who I am, I am searching and reaching out to that spark of trust that is just looking for the Father right now.

We all have issues. We all have trials. We all have a choice to make in surrendering completely to the Lord or going it on our own. I thought I had surrendered. I thought I had given control to the Lord.

I guess I keep taking it back.

I cannot be an immovable force if I don’t place my trust in the Father and leave it there.

I want to be as Mount Zion.

I want to be a force to be reckoned with—not because of me, but because of Him.

2As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds His people from this time forth and forever.

With other things surrounding me and pressing in, I haven’t felt like the Lord was there. But, if I go deeper than just the surface of what I’m thinking and feeling, I know that He is surrounding me. Because if He wasn’t, I would go crazy like my last post said.

A big part of my problem right now… I’m stressed out. I’m under spiritual warfare.

And because I’m so stressed, I can’t see ‘the forest for the trees’. Isn’t that the old saying?

Lately, I’ve been focusing on the fact that my husband and I leave for Nepal on March 7th and all that’s come in so far for our funds is about $500. We need at least $4000. That is a huge difference. I cannot wrap my mind around it being provided.

I guess I took that issue back.

I’ve been focused on the fact that my husband and I should be getting closer right now as we prepare to leave, and if anything, we are further apart than we’ve ever been. It’s depressing to see where our marriage has gone.

I guess I took that issue back, too.

Bethany doesn’t want to read the bible on her own. Her prayers are repetitive and not in a good way for her age. Her attitude is multiplying by the day. Her disrespect for me is at a new level.

I guess I took that back as well.

I could go on, but I know you get my drift, and I’m sure you don’t want to hear me complain anymore.

Maybe I shouldn’t say complain, maybe I should just say—share my heart. Because that’s what I’m really doing. I’m just making it public.

I’m making it known that I am severely struggling right now and my trust in the Father doesn’t seem to be too high, or deep, or wide.

And that stinks.

It hurts my heart and spirit to think I’ve come this far in my walk with God, only to take so many steps backward when I should be leaping forward.

It hurts to think that when I should be on solid foundation in my trust, I am so teeter-tottery.

Yet, as I was reading this morning, I was brought to Colossians 3:2 Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth.

My mind has been so full of the temporal things there hasn’t been room for the eternal. I’ve been so full of Danielle that Christ can’t reign over my heart and mind right now. And even in the back of my mind when I tell myself that I should feel this way, or act this way, and how I should be…. I keep going in the pattern I’m on.

As I flipped over to Philippians 4:8 I began to get a mental picture of what I needed to do when my mind wants to settle on the negative and stay there.

Finally, brethren, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Dwell means: 1. to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside.
2. to live or continue in a given condition or state: to dwell in happiness.
3. to linger over, emphasize, or ponder in thought, speech, or writing (often followed by on or upon ): to dwell on a particular point in an argument.

I have been dwelling with thoughts that do not glorify God. I have allowed my mind to take up residence in an area that is filled with all manner of deception.

That is not what God has for me. That is not what I want for myself.

I need to dwell on what is right, what is pure, what is lovely, what is of good repute, what is of excellence and what is worthy of praise.

To begin doing that, I am jumping on the wagon over at a holy experience. I haven’t read Ann Voskamps book yet, or bought it—maybe one day when I finish reading all the other new ones I have. But, I love the concept of blogging 1000 things you are grateful for, both big and small. I know it's called Multitudes on Mondays, but my Saturdays will be Mondays for now.

As I begin this, I pray that my mind will continue to dwell on the things I am thankful for and my heart will reach the place of being at home with thanksgiving!

1. The unconditional love of God the Father.
2. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
3. The comfort of Holy Spirit.
4. Love from my man who puts up with me.
5. A daughter that I can claim for the Kingdom.
6. Dark mornings in the quiet.
7. My time alone in the stillness.
8. Revelations from the Creator just when you need them.
9. A husband that wakes up and asks if he can cook your breakfast…for the first time in 12 years!
10. The sound of the washing machine.
11. Soft fleece that wraps me in warmth.
12. Waking up without dizziness.
13. Mobility to Prayer Walk.
14. Light that illuminates darkness.
15. A mind filling with peace.
16. Sounds of my 11 year old slumbering.

If you decide to join along, come back and let me know. I’d love to read about what you’re thankful for.

Blessings!

Frustrated. Angry. Confused.

2011-02-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

I always love it when people use a picture to show an emotion... so I thought I do that tonight.

I felt like this today.

I was frustrated.

I was angry.

I was confused.

I was a whole host of things I shouldn't be feeling.

My mind feels like a battle field lately. One that's strewn with dead pieces of Danielle all over it. There's a chunk of me over there. Another chunk over here. And look, about 100 yards away, under that tree, yup! There's another piece.

We've been talking about Spiritual Warefare in a couple of the House Churches we attend, and boy! Am I in some right now! And I cannot get my mind to settle long enough on any one scripture to be effective enough in this battle. And I know that it's not truly my battle, but the Lord's and that I'm supposed to rest in Him and He will fight for me. But, it just seems like the hits are coming from all sides and they are not slacking off, but only getting worse. Getting more severe. Getting more deadly.

Have you ever had one of those days? One of those weeks? One of those months? I'm in it now. Again.

What do I do? I am asking you?

Because the more I know I'm supposed to be laying it at the feet of Jesus of leaving it there, the more I seem to have something else come out and broadside me.

And as I was sitting down to type all this out tonight and get my thoughts in somewhat of an order, my husband gets home and I have to finish dinner. Well, by the time dinner and everything else gets finished, it's 8 o'clock.

For the last few Monday nights I've been going to the Made to Crave website and tuning into the webcasts Lysa has been having. Each one has been fantastic. So much information that is useful. But tonight... tonight Mandisa was on and she sang her new song Stronger.

I cried.

Not just little tears.

Not quiet tears.

Tears that seemed to come from the depths of my heart.

"When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger."

Looking back over today, I don't know how God is going to use everything that is going on in my life, in my mind to make me stronger. I feel that all of this is only making me weaker.

And yet, in that, I heard something else tonight that really struck me. "Our weakness opens the floodgates of God's power.

Oh! May it begin to be so in my life.

Becuase I will be honest and tell you, if I have any more days like today... I may simply go crazy.

Accent Vlog

2011-02-03T17:39:00.002-05:00

So as I replayed this to myself, I realized how badly I need to clean up those shelves behind me. There is way too much stuff ‘stuffed’ up there. I am a stationary addict. No lie. Something else I realized... I blink way too much! Why didn't anyone tell me.

If you decide to follow along, here is the list of words and questions for the Accent Vlog: Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

• What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
• What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
• What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
• What do you call gym shoes?
• What do you say to address a group of people?
• What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
• What do you call your grandparents?
• What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
• What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
• What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Where is my marriage?

2011-02-01T10:30:00.002-05:00

Dear Lord, open my eyes and heart to small, daily habits I can practice today to strengthen the oneness of my marriage. Give me a willing heart to honor my marriage by investing in it daily. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This was the prayer at the bottom of Melanie Chitwoods Devotion on P31 Daily Devo.

How this echoed the prayers of my heart lately. You see, I have a wonderful husband. I really do. But so often, I look at all the negative about him. The things he doesn’t do that I think he should be doing. I’m the type of person that sees, “My husband is soooo wonderful” on a blog post or Facebook status and roll my eyes…. Honestly, I do. Makes me want to gag.(I know. I know. I'm a bad person.lol)

Because I ‘m not looking through the eyes of my Father and seeing how my husband was created in Him.

I’m looking at the way he eats and I’m bothered that I can hear him crunching. I have given him many a stink-eye because how dare he bother me with such non-sense.(As if a person can control the crunch, even when their mouth is closed, but man, my ears are so sensitive to everything!!)

I’m watching as he goes to bed every night, tired he says, and I’m left to put our daughter to bed, pray with her, lock up the house and get together everything that’s needed for his lunch the next day… even though I’m tired as well.

I’m looking at our house and see all the ways he can be helping me out. We both work jobs. We are both involved in House Church and Prayer Walking. I have DOZ every other week. I take care of him and Bethany and the dog and the house and the bills and everything else! Why can’t he just do a load of laundry every once in a while. Maybe a sink of dishes; sweep the floor when he tracks in grass.

You know what? All of that would be nice… pretty fantastic actually, but! how I react to him and the way I feel about him should not be directly linked to what he does for me. Yes, those things are all apart of us being one together, but why should that lessen my love for him, or lessen the affection I show to him.

My husband is lazy by no means. He’s a hard worker. A fantastic provider. But, he isn’t so good at helping out around the house or other things. And in part… that’s my fault.

Very early in our marriage, I watched how another marriage was lived out… and it’s exactly like ours is. And that’s the way I thought it was supposed to be. Because I was never taught any differently. I thought the man worked the job, the woman took care of all other things. Even if the wife worked, it was still her job to take care of everything else.

Not true!

We’ve spent 12 years of marriage living like this and it’s now, now that these patterns and problems have been set for so long that we see the damage we’ve done. Healing will not come tomorrow. Him looking at a mess he’s made and remember to be the one to clean it will not come tomorrow. But, maybe the next day. And maybe a few days after that until we’ve set a new pattern on how we want our marriage to be.

Yes, at times I feel that because he doesn’t help, he doesn’t value me. He doesn’t appreciate me. But, I know that he does. I know that he loves me with a love directly from the Father.

I struggle daily with seeing all that he doesn’t do. I struggle daily to see what he does do. But as I read Melanie’s devotion this morning, I am searching my heart for ways to think different, to speak different and to act different.

Today will be the first day where I send my husband a text message that says ‘I appreciate you’. I pray that it touches his heart.
If you’d like to read Melanie’s devotion, click on her name in the first paragraph and it will take you there. It’s a very thought provoking, heart-searching devo.

Blessings today, sisters!

Drinking from... puddles?

2011-01-30T16:40:00.002-05:00

Then he showed me a river of the water of life, clear as crystal, coming from the throne of God and of the Lamb.Revelation 22:1

A couple Saturday’s ago, Kevin, Bethany and I set out to meet other believers in the parking lot of a local Meeting House so we could Prayer Walk. Once we meet, we pray together, and then two-by-two we set out.(Luke 10) With numbers as they were, I had the privilege of it being just Bethany and I.

Prayer Walking for our community started last January(2010), on Monday mornings with a group of people. With work and school starting back up it became harder for some of us to continue on that day, so it was discussed and decided that Saturdays would work best for some. Since then, we have been meeting on Saturday morning at 9:30.

The area we walk is called Henrietta. This part of our county is one that un-employment has stricken severely- -drugs and alcohol run the streets, crime, wickedness and oppression. Our whole county is ranked pretty high in the nation for un-employment, actually. But, that is for another day.

Even though some look at this area and see nothing but hopelessness and waste, God sees it differently. Since January of 2010, we’ve watched God work. Doors have been opened in the community and House churches have started. Glory to God!

It is our pray that in 2011 God opens the door for 100 House Churches to be planted.

As Bethany and I walked, and as I prayed—and as she agreed in her heart—I could feel God right there with us.(Which is definitely what you want.) In the area we walked, there is a neighborhood dog named Sox that likes to follow us wherever we go.

That's him. Bless him, Lord!

People know where Sox lives; know he gets fed at times, but as to him calling the place home… highly unlikely.

So, our stray prayer walking buddy was with us and as we walked, we came upon a puddle—which in size, was roughly eight inches by nine inches. The puddle was of course dirty—we could see the flecks of oil residue laying on the surface and the gravel that lay on the road, but Sox… he didn’t care. He drank it. He lapped it up like it was good, fresh clear water.

At that moment, God brought to my mind the fact that we are like Sox. We’re wanderers… sojourners in this land moving about, sometimes in such a way that people wonder about us. They wonder where our home is? Who our Caretaker is?

We move about, lapping up the dirty, oil specked waters of life when God has placed before us the true, refreshing, life giving waters.

I can look back over the years and see where I’ve chosen one over the other, and I see that as I drank the puddle in the street, it wasn’t long before I didn’t feel good. It wasn’t long before I was thirsty again and looking for something to satisfy what I was looking for.

Sin is that dirty, oil specked puddle in our lives. It will corrode our insides and make us ill. We drink from puddles of sin on a daily basis, but what I need to be asking myself every day is… “Are you drinking of the crystal clear, fresh water that God wants to give you in an abundant supply or are you settling?”

We need to remember that God has a steady, constant stream of pure water ready for us… we’ve just got to go home and place ourselves before the Master, before our Caretaker so we can drink.

Jesus answered and said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; (14)but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."John 4:13-14

I got nothing.... or do I?

2011-01-27T22:38:00.003-05:00

I promised myself I as going to get on here tonight and post... well, I guess I'm here and I am posting, but I don't really have anything to say. What I had wanted to talk about, I never got around to typing out.

Thursday nights are House Church night for us. But the families house that we go to has had some sickness lately, so instead friends of ours that also participate in the HC came to our Casa instead. And of course you know that threw me into a tizzy because my house isn't clean 'enough'. I wish I could get over looking at things in that way.

Especially when a comment I made tonight to my friend was about Jesus rebuking the religious leaders and telling them that they were all like "whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean."(Which, I didn't quote it like that. Thank you biblegateway.com)

I don't know why I can't get it through this thick skull of mine, this stubborn pride--I guess would be a better term for it, that it's okay to let people see dust on your furniture. And it's okay if they see some dirty dishes in your sink. That's real life. That's every day life. And if a little dust and some dirty dishes from dinner that we finished just 5 minutes before you walk through my door offends you... well, I'm sorry but Jesus is more important. Right? Right.

And of course these friends of ours--this brother and sister in Christ couldn't care less about the dust or the dishes. Together we are about each other and working together on furthering the Kingdom of God.

I guess that's all for night. Hope everyone is having a blessed week.

Through an 11 year olds perspective

2011-01-20T09:29:00.003-05:00

As I sit here and watch this video again, can I just tell you how excited I am?

I mean, kick up my heals, scream at the top of my lungs like a banshee… and lift up my arms and praise God.

On Sunday, Bethany came to me and began sharing her heart on what God was speaking to her through Matthew 4:1-11. It’s the story of Jesus fasting for forty days and nights and then being brought into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan. I posed the question to her, “Would you be willing to share this at D.O.Z. on Wednesday night?” At first she looked a little hesitant, but I think the more it settled in, the more she got excited about it.

And this Mama is so excited and proud of her!

It’s not just the fact that she got up and shared in front of her peers, but that she was really thinking on what happened when Jesus was being tempted.

Please remember that she is eleven. Her thoughts are disjointed… but man! How pleasing to the Lord. I thank the Father that He is doing a work in her heart. I pray that He continues to move in her life and truly becomes real to her like never before. I pray that her relationship with Him continues to blossom and flourish!

I'll apologize now for the shaky hand. I was recording with my phone and so excited my hand was probably shaking some.

Whoohooo! Yes, I am excited for my girl. Especially since she wants to do it again!

And my other Daughter’s of Zion? They are going to, too. If they want to be recorded and it’s alright with their parents, I will be posting them up too. Please check back every couple weeks(We only meet every other week on Wednesday night) to see if it’s a post about them. I know your encouragement and feedback will bless their socks off!

Do What?

2011-01-17T16:06:00.002-05:00

January.

2011.

A New Year.

A New Danielle.

Or, at least I like to think there will be a new Danielle. As I said in my last post, I’m not really one for resolutions, but this year I set specific goals for myself. And I’d like to say that I’m striving to accomplish these goals, however I’m reminded of Psalm 46:10 which says:

Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted among the earth.(NAS)

Cease striving? Stop doing? Stop working at?

Cease moving in your own strength? That’s what’s really key.

Be still.

Me? Be still? Is this some kind of joke, Lord? That’s what runs through my mind every time I read this scripture. What runs through my spirit is conviction. Because I don’t allow myself to be still long enough. I’m constantly striving… constantly running on my own steam and then I wonder why I’m tired, weary, and frustrated.

If I’m going to be truly honest with myself, I rely on my own strength too much. I push myself too much. Because frankly, in my house if I don’t do it, it’s not going to get done. And being the type of person that I am, I want it done now. Right now. So I keep moving and going about my life finding satisfaction in some things, but it’s not the lasting kind.

I want the lasting kind. I want the kind of satisfaction in a job well done where I can sit back and know that I’ve done it right. I can sit back and know that because I’ve rested in the Father, because I’ve done something through His strength that I can truly be proud of an accomplishment.

Verse eight(a) of Psalm 46 says: Come, behold the works of the LORD.

How am I supposed to truly witness and behold the works of Jehovah if I’m not being still? How can I enjoy a calm confidence in God if I’m always striving?

When I look at verses eight and ten, I’m encouraged to reflect on what God can do in the face of what I’m unable to do. And there is so much I cannot do. Not in my own strength. But in His? I can do all things! (Philippians 4:13)

All throughout history we see evidence of God intervening on behalf of His people… and there is no greater time then when Christ came. Why should I doubt and fear that the time in my life is any different.
The calm I have, or the lack of it, doesn’t come from having troubles or not having them. It comes from placing myself in the palm of a Mighty God. I can be still in God because I should know who He is. It won’t be because I’ve seen it all or done it all, or that I have confidence in myself or human flesh, but that my trust should solely lie in my Creator.

I struggle all the time. I fail all the time. But I sense 2011 is going to be a serious year of stretching, shifting, hurting, molding, but oh so much growing for me.

I can’t promise I won’t complain on here. I can almost promise you that I will. Changing is never an easy thing, but I pray that the whisperings I hear in my heart become such a soul deep yearning that I won’t feel much of the pain. And even if I do, I’ll remember that God is my strength. That He is my refuge. That He is a very present help in trouble.

A very present help. He is present in all that I do. All that I go through.

My prayer is that as you join me on this journey you’ll see a woman placing herself in the hand of her God wanting…yearning to be all that He created her to be. Even if I stumble and fall more often then I walk a steady straight line, I pray I keep remembering to listen for the assuring whispers even through the storm.

I pray that together we can journey through life, all listening for His whispers—whether they come in the calm, or in the storm.

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
3Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.
4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
5God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
7The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.
8Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
9He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
10"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
11The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

A Giveaway.(Not mine.) And, Revamping.

2011-01-07T10:09:00.004-05:00

As I sat on my corner of the couch last night, my head pounding a beat to a Mariachi band, I told myself I’d go to bed right after I checked Facebook. I’ve been trying to get on there more, but one thing or another usually hinders me… or it could just be my flighty self.? And even though I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my warm, micro-fiber fleece covered bed, I made sure I stuck to the plan and scrolled through status’s—amen-ing scripture postings, smiling at friends family pictures, laughing at cute-kid quotes… cause seriously, even though I could pinch my DD head like a zit at times, I love kids! Truly, I do. Towards the bottom of the screen, I came upon a blog update notice on Charlie’s status.

I’m so happy I took the time—Mariachi band hitting some pretty sweet spots—and clicked over. Right now, on OSCBB, Charlie is having a giveaway for a new blog design. Whoot-Whoot! A free-beautiful-someone else does the work-blog design.( And that someone is April from April Showers )

To coin a phrase from my daughter(when she was about 2), “I wanz it, Mama. I wanz it bad!”

Even before reading Sister-girls post, I’d been working on revamping my blog. But of course I’m the one doing the work and I can’t come 100th of the way close to doing what April Showers can do. Revamping is what I’ve had on my mind for weeks. It’s what I’ve had in my heart. For this blog… for myself.

As I’ve played with the new graphic for this page, God’s been dealing with my heart about how I am. About who I am. If you’ve read any of my posts before, you know I’m the type of person who worries and stresses needlessly. I do good and go to the Source of peace for some situations, and then others, I think I can handle them on my own. As if that’s actually possible.

So, lately the whisperings of my heart have been that whether through the calm of life, or through the storms of life… is Danielle listening? Answers to the many questions that plaque this scattered mind of mine are never further than the whisper that resonates in the chambers of my heart.

Sadly, though, I hardly rest long enough to listen.

Who cares if there’s a sliver of grass on the kitchen floor. Leave it. Listen.

Who cares if the laundry goes for a day or two. Leave it. Listen.

It’s okay to leave dishes in the sink over night or to see a speck of dust on the coffee table. Leave it. Listen.

It’s also okay to sit on the couch, no crochet hook in hand, no pen or paper, or book—or anything—and just be still. Just sit. Listen

I’m sharing all this to say, that I’m a 32 year old woman who is in need of a major revamping in her life, a major overhaul. Whether it’s in my relationship with God, my relationships with friends and family, my health and wellness physically or even simply the matters of everyday life, I’m hoping my blog is picked because I’d love a visual reminder of the new journey I’m embarking on.

And I know I haven’t been the most dedicated person with this blog the last couple months, but I’m a work in progress. As is my blog. I’m not the type of person to make new years resolutions, per-say, however, I did make goals—that are posted on my fridge, written on a neon yellow 3x5—that I plan to work on in the coming year(s). Discipline is the leader… and that’s for everything I spoke of above.

I believe I was meant to start this blog two years ago for a purpose, and I’ve strayed with it… not anymore. I’m in the process of learning to be still so I can hear. Because whether it’s calm or whether I’m in the eye of a storm, there is always a whisper to hear.

Whisperings on the Wind.
Are you still enough to hear?

Shalom!

P.S. I just want to say major thanks to Charlie and April for this opportunity. And whether I win or not, may you ladies keep Rockin’ it! Kudos! 

No Excuses...

2010-12-20T13:06:00.000-05:00

I really could give you a whole list of reasons why I haven't posted on here in months. I could... but I won't. Plain and simple, I just haven't made the time to do it. I'm sorry.

There is so much to share about, but for right now, my biggest endeavor is Blessing By Design. It will be a new blog that I use to show you what creativeness God has placed in my path. Bethany and I have taken up sewing as of late(which we both LOVE). And, I've picked up my crocheting needles again.

One of my biggest reasons for doing this, besides the fact that I love to watch my daughter create and learn... I'm trying to raise some money. Kevin and I are stepping out and obeying the call to go to Nepal in March on a short mission trip!! Yeah, I know. I'm excited, nervous, and still not totally grasping the fact that God chose Nepal. I had my heart set on the Ukraine for my first trip.

So, if you will do me an honor and bless my heart, please hop over to my other blog and add it to you list. It's in the beginning stages, obviously, but I'd love for you to be a follower.

Know that I miss you all terribly, and that I lift you up in prayers to Daddy on a regualr basis.

Much, much love!!!

Blessing By Design

It's just me...

2010-09-29T10:14:00.003-04:00

Being behind, as usual. And here I thought things would settle down and I'd be able to post more often. Not. Things have been even more hectic. Not in a bad way, though.

Work is going really well. They've actually asked me if I could stay the whole day! We've gotten a new student that's needed some help. Precious little boy. And, I'm also working with another little boy on Math and Reading. He is so cute and sweet! Want to squeeze him up and smother him. Which, of course, I won't. Dont't want to scare him. I'm truly thanking the Father for this opportunity. I don't actually get paid any money, but Bethany's tuition is being covered. I gotta be happy about that!

Kevin comes home tonight. He's spent the last week in the Ukraine. God truly moved for him to go. We didn't have to send in one dime for his trip. PTL! I can't thank Daddy enough for all the many blessings he's bestowed on us lately. I'm learning how far I still have to go on this faith journey. Especially when it comes to money. Money has a wicked place in my heart that the LORD is working on. I never thought I loved money... that is until I realized how much stock I truly put on it to keep coming in and meeting our bills. I go insane if a bill is late. No offense, bill collectors and Uncle Same--I don't care anymore. The bills always get paid. Maybe a little late, but they do.

God always provides!

As for losing this weight? I'm down 11 pounds! I wish it would come off faster, but I'm actually okay with everything. I've even had cheat days, sometimes two back-to-back, but I'm learning not to feel guilty... thereby ruining it for myself. I'm enjoying learning what I can eat and how much and it's seriously ALOT.

I wish I had the time to go into the bible study we're doing. Seeking Him. Wow! We're going into the 3rd week and I'm in love with it. God is digging deep and boy can it be painful, but I know in the end, this is all going to be worth it. What He's producing in me far out-weighs my discomfort and aches now.

I miss reading all your blogs. Know that you're not far from my thoughts and prayers!

Oh My! Oh My!

2010-09-02T13:46:00.006-04:00

Has it really been that long? For shame, on me!

Things have been so crazy lately, but it's my prayer that they will begin to settle down now that school started. Our first day was yesterday, September 1. So many kids we are in contact with think it's highly unfair that my daughter's school didn't start until then. I, on the other hand, do not mind one bit. Would you like to know why?

I started working yesterday! Just part-time. From 8AM - 11:30AM. The best part? It's at my daughter's school! I'm very excited. I'll be a teachers assistant in K5-2nd grade... and working in the office as well. So far, so good. Although, it's only the second day.

I love the fact that I get to stay when I'm done for the day and have lunch with Bethany. She always says, 'Mama, sit with us!' Heart sigh. And, of course, I don't leave even after lunch. I stay in the office and get some other things done. I didn't finish until after 2:30 yesterday. I think I might be crazy, though, because I love office work. Especially organizing! I don't know what it is about labeling and filing, but I enjoy it.

On the diet front... things are going good. I'm still losing. Very slowly, but it's coming off. I keep reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, and I didn't gain this weight over night. Although, I feel like I did.

Next tuesday, a couple friends and I are going to be starting the bible study Seeking Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I've heard nothing but good things about it.

Praying you all are well and striving!!

Weight Watchers Beginnings

2010-08-18T10:58:00.004-04:00

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
Romans 13:14(NAS)

So you know I’ve been on a slippery slope for years now trying to get my extra padding off. I’ve tried just about everything out there—or at least it seems that way to me—besides surgery. I’ve gone to the doctor and was prescribed pills. I’ve taken HCG shots and done $150 a month shakes with $75 vitamin and supplements. And trying all those things, sure, I’d lose weight—a pound here, and a pound there, but never anything significant. At least not in the last four years.

I’ve gone to the gym five days a week, sometimes two-times a day, and lowered my calorie intake. But, there’s just something about losing this weight that my body has decided it doesn’t want to cooperate. I guess it doesn’t want to give up its cushiness.

At the gym, I would build muscle, and I’d feel great, but the numbers on the scale were never moving. Yes, I was losing inches—in very small amounts, but there wasn’t even change. So of course I’d get discouraged and wonder why I was even bothering. I kept going, though… kept watching what I was eating. And not just hand to mouth, either. I kept praying that God would strengthen me and bless my journey.

In June, my husband got laid-off. Talk about discouragement! My gym membership had to be placed on ‘hold’… for three months. See, when I signed up, I made a promise to myself, and God, that I would go for a year, create this pattern and habit in my life where my health would improve and nothing was going to hinder that. I never expected a job loss.

Up until the lay-off, I was faithful. For six months, I worked my tail off and loved it! But let me tell you, in four weeks of no gym, all that hard work went to the pits. I could see a major change in my body because I couldn’t keep the pattern and routine I’d set. The inches I’d shrunk, expanded again. The few pounds I’d lost, came back and with them, they brought a few friends. I’d finally gotten to the point I was giving up and I’d decided that I’d just be fat, but healthy.

Not the best mind-set to be in… and of course, God had other plans.

Before I left for sHe Speaks, I told myself this would be my last weekend to indulge because when I got back, I’d be starting Weight Watchers. God and I had a long conversation about it. He knew my desires and I knew His.

Weight Watchers is one program that I’d never tried before. I’d been on Ebay a few years ago and bought some books, but never started.

So, at sHe Speaks, I indulged, and it was great!

Well, I’m home and I started, and taking steps on this path towards the goals God and I have set. I feel different this time. I don’t feel deprived of foods that I love. I don’t feel guilty for eating things you shouldn’t have. Because you can have it! All of it! You just need to count points, and make sure it’s something that you need… not just want in a moment. I never realized the amount, and the variety of foods you could eat! I’ve even indulged.

And so far—I’ve lost 7 pounds in two weeks!

Through it all, I’ve prayed and sought the LORD… asking that He would truly guide me and be with me. I don’t want this to be another tried and failed endeavor.

Yes, I get to eat more than I thought possible. Yes, I still get to eat chocolate. And yes, I can still eat Cheez-its. But, I think the difference this time is that I’d finally, truly given up and placed it in the LORD’s hands. So many times, I know I’ve said I’m tired of failing and falling… but each time I did, I’ve gotten back up in my own strength.

This time, I’m getting up and moving on my journey in the LORD’s strength.

If I can ask something of you, Sweet Sisters… please pray for me. Ask the Father to give me His strength and discernment, and wisdom. Ask that He keeps me in His guidance and that I don’t take back what is rightfully His!

She Speaks 2010

2010-08-03T11:51:00.015-04:00

My mind is filled with so much from this past weekend that I’m almost at a loss for words… or at least, at a loss for the right words to say.

Besides the fact of meeting a great group of women—women who share a great passion and love for Jesus Christ—I’m excited to say I also, finally, got to meet Renee Swope, Lysa TerKeurst, and Angela Thomas!

May God be gloried and magnified through all the attendees!

As Angela Thomas spoke on Saturday night, I realized she has to be one of the funniest and sweetest southern women of all time. Her zest for life and her heart for God were so refreshing and invigorating. The message she shared had us all laughing, crying, and meditating.

“God leans down with His loving embrace and robes our ordinary in His extraordinary.”

She challenged us to BRING IT!-- And you can’t bring it unless you’re getting it!

Something else she shared was… Know the Father heart of God.

How that stilled my spirit and got my heart to flowing. It is our privilege to know the heart of God—Creator, Sustainer. It is our right to know the heart of God—Father, Life giver, Caretaker.

Isaiah 49:16 stirred in my heart. “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands.”

God reveals himself through many things, but nothing more powerful than His Word.

Know the Father heart of God.

The night before, Lysa’s message also packed a powerful punch. She shared her heart about the way we react to things and people. She stated, ”Our reaction will determine our reach. – When we pause the Holy Spirit has time to interrupt our natural reaction to a situation.”

As I am one prone to flying off the handle immediately, this really spoke to me! How can I be a light and testimony for the LORD if what people see in me is no different than what they see in the world?

Lysa said, “God honoring reactions will give us a God-sized reach.”

In my flesh, I can do nothing… but when I’m fully surrendered to God, I can do, and be, and reach far beyond human limitations.

Now, if these two messages didn’t hit home enough, Karen Ehman walked up on stage Sunday morning with a hearts cry that reached the depths of all women and I’m sure, even the few men that were there. The scripture she used was Revelation 2:1-17… Zeroing in on verses 4 and 5.

'But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5'Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place--unless you repent.

Do you remember what it was like when you first fell in love with Jesus?
Sitting down at the table that morning, at each place setting, there was a card with these words on it—

Then
Now
Fast
Feast

I’m going to be totally honest here… when she asked what our then was, this was my answer.

Consuming. Starving. Just those two words. I was started for everything and anything Jesus. His words, His life… Him. I was consumed with thoughts and dreams of Him.

But as the years have gone by—My now is a dull ache of hunger and an on-again, off-again feeling. There are times I passionately search after God. Seek His face and His will for my life, but it’s not the same. I am too busy being, that I’ve forgotten how to be still in the LORD and soak in Him..

As for the fasting… what could I ‘give’ up, at least for 30 days that has become a distraction in my life? Movies. I don’t need to wind down at the end of the night with a movie. I could wind down in prayer, in meditation, in… Him.

My feasting? I’m going to feast on His Word. Day and night I’m going to dig into the Father heart of God, into His extraordinary.

Karen quoted John Piper in her message. ’The weakness of our hunger for God is not because He is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with other things..’

So powerful! I need to stop filling myself with other things and stuff myself in God alone. I’m going to challenge you ladies to search your hearts right now and ask yourself the same questions Karen asked us. Then? Now? Fast? Feast?

May God speak to you in a precious and powerful way!

It was my birthday yesterday...

2010-07-21T13:04:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I turned 32. I had meant to post then, but as of late, life has been very busy and hectic. Which is not such a bad thing, especially when your about kingdom work. As the day came and went yesterday, it made me more aware of Christ's life. Thirty-three years He was here, and only three of those were his 'actual ministry'.

Three years to share His Father's loveand be an example for those in His time and for future generations. We are that future generation. We are a part of the heritage. And it's because others and their desire, and obediance to keep the legacy going that we have come to the saving knowledge of Christ.

What about me, though? In my 32 years, have I been and example, a shining light so that people now, or people in future generations will see Jesus? It's not even me that I want remembered, but Christ in me and through me.

God - Jehovah... Jesus - Messiah... They will never be forgotten. Not matter what.

I am realizing even more how deep my desire is to a part of Gods word moving.

Psalm 102:8 This will be written for the generation to come, that a people yet to be born may praise the LORD.

Deeply Rooted or Not

2010-07-07T11:37:00.004-04:00

Jeremiah 17:7-8 Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream, And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

For the past three weeks, I’ve been doing an online bible study at Wendy Blights blog. It’s a study on the book of Ephesians that God blessed her with, and she in-turn is blessing us. The first two weeks, I guess I could say, have been warming me up for week three. Last week’s {homework} brought us to Jeremiah chapter 17, verses five through eight.

Just verse seven was enough to get my mind and spirit going… Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.

I know that I’ve placed my trust in God. I gave my life to Him years ago; my heart to Christ. And through the years, my trust has been in Him for my marriage, for my daughter, for my health, and for so many other things.

It was in Him when I was pregnant with Bethany and they found a cyst on her brain. I placed my trust in the LORD when we moved to NC and we didn’t have a home of our own. And when we had finally bought one—lived there for four years, and tried to sell—we found out that the land our house was on, the land we had a deed to and had paid taxes on, was not actually ours. I placed my trust in the LORD two years ago when I had to have a biopsy done on the nodules they found on my thyroid.

My trust has been in the LORD many times over the years. But is my trust the LORD? I had to sit and ponder that for a little while. Not only to the question of it, but what it actually meant. What does it mean that the LORD is my trust?

As many times before, as I begin to really examine my heart, I find that I hate doing it because I always find myself lacking. And this time was no exception. I found myself wanting.

God is all-sufficient both to fill up the places of those who fail us and to protect us from those who set upon us. It is to make the LORD our hope, His favor the good we hope for and His power the strength we hope in.{Matthew Henry}

Have I made the LORD my hope? Have I made His favor the good I hope for? Have I made His power the strength I hope in? I thought I had. And maybe I have in times past. But I’m searching my heart right now.

Even in the hard times, especially with our financial situation, God is giving me nuggets of how He provides for us. He is giving me glimpses of how He has made a way for us to make it. It’s not man that pays our bills and makes sure my daughter has her allergy medicine… it’s the LORD.

It’s the LORD I should be placing my trust, and hope, and confidence in.
For he will be a tree planted by water, That extends its roots by a stream, And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

I want the show of God’s provision in our lives—and I’m not just talking of the financial—to be an external show of the faith and trust we have placed in Him for the eternal.

My fruit has not been very productive lately. If anything, it’s been pretty rotten. But I want to be a tree like Jeremiah talks about. I want to be so entrenched in the Living stream of water that this {lacking} I seem to keep producing will be few and far between. I want green leaves and thriving, abundant fruit.

And it shouldn’t matter what heat and drought is brought my way. And even as I type this, I know that I am opening myself up to the enemy and all that he sees as opportunities to make me wish I had never thought this or said it, but ya know what… The LORD is my trust.

The LORD is your trust, Danielle

Father, as I opened Your word this morning, and You opened my eyes, and heart, and spirit, I realized that I’ve got to allow you to be my trust. My confidence cannot rest in man, not even my husband, but solely on You. Show me, LORD how to do this. Teach me the right steps to take so that I may live a life that has You as it’s Trust. In Jesus name. Amen!

P.S. This post was typed and waiting on Monday morning, but today, Wednesday is the first day I've had a chance to make it to the library. On Monday night, we have house fellowship and I got to share with the others this scripture and how God spoke to me through it. What a blessing it was to hear that it spoke to all their hearts as well! Praising God for His continued voice in my life... even when I'm not always open to obeying, He is still speaking!

Walking or Stumbling...

2010-06-27T15:32:00.004-04:00

Hosea 14:9Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; whoever is discerning, let him know them. For the ways of the LORD are right, and the righteous will walk in them, but trangressors will stumble in them.

For the last couple months, I seem to be stumbling around in the dark more than walking upright in the Light. My understanding and discernment had been lost somewhere on this path I'm on. As for my mind? It took its own detour and doesn't want to come back--at least, that's how I feel.

I'm left sitting here wondering how I've gotten so lost and confused. And the longer I contemplate I'm brought back to Philippians 4:9. I know I've brought this scripture up before, but there is none more fitting for me... especially right now. I've had this verse imprinted on my mind and heart for some time, but I seem to forget to apply its truths to my life every day. And that's what's most frustrating to me!

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, I'd there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

I have not been dwelling on these things! Not at all. In truth, I've been dwelling on all our situations and circumstances. •Kevin was laid off from his job. •We're getting behind on bills. •The job he is working at now will never meet out bills. •Bethany, for whatever reason, is becoming a pouty, mouthy little girl. •She speaks is right around the corner and I don't have all my money in yet. •I could go on more about financial, and medical, and physical... • And on...

•And on...

And I could keep dwelling on all these things that really don't mean anything. I could keep dwelling and finding myself back in a place of unbelief and lack of trust and faith in God. Why do that? Espeically when God has brought us through so much. There has never been a need in our lives that God hasn't met. He always meets us and provides for what we need. It's not always how we think it should happen, but He always takes care of His own.

Philippians 4:19 ~ And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ.

Dwell and worry about all the things that God has already taken care of?

Either God is in control over ALL things or He's not. It's up to me to choose the path He's leading--even if that is taking me to places of vulnerabilty and trials, or stumble along on my own.

Lord, as I open my eyes to see that I've been stumbling around in places that are not Your will for my life, help me to realize that all I need to do is call upon You in my times of need. You, Father are not the author of confusion and these mixed up and jumbled thoughts aren't what You would have for me to dwell on. You supply all that we need, LORD--physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and above all spiritually. And You have proved this over and over again in my life! Forgive me, Father, when I begin to doubt and try to figure things out on my own. Give me strength, God.. Your strength, and renew my mind daily so that I may walk in all that You have for me. In Jesus precious name, Amen!!

P.S. I ask your forgiveness for the long absence. I'm actually posting this from my phone! Whoo! What a challenege. But worth it! I will try and be better with posting... Although I don't have Internet at home anymore. Even a few lines of update are better than none, though, right?! Praying you all are well and striving! Please forgive typos, too!

Things Of Yesterday

2010-06-08T10:30:00.004-04:00

Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. (Isaiah 43:18)

Driving through old neighborhoods and passed childhood hangouts, and schools, I'm reminded of things last past. I'm reminded of the things of my youth--some things I'd rather forget, and some, they leave a sweet twitch in my heart.

Now that my daughter is older and she can truly see where my husband and I grew up in New Jersey, pointing out certain spots to her, I am thankful to God for where He has brought us. My mother asked me yesterday, as we were driving if I ever missed it here. I thought about it for all over a few seconds, but she could see the answer on my face. No, I don't miss it.

Of course, I miss the family that is still remaining, but as for the place, for all the childhood memories and things long ago... I don't miss it.

God brought Kevin and I to North Carolina for a reason. Not only has it become a place for us to call home, in the earthly sense, it is home to us in a spiritual sense as well. We have a family there that binds us more than genetic blood ties. We have eternal blood ties that have strengthened use and enriched us, and grown us.

I know with all certainty that we would not have had that if God hadn't called us to NC. Do I feel that it will be our 'home' until the day we pass? No. I know that God will call us--or should I say--is calling us to another location. I don't know when He will bring it all to fruitation, but I know that just as He was faithful in the years we've lived in NC... I know that the next place He brings us, it will be just as God-blessed.

Now, if you know my story, ten and a half years ago, I didn't feel that way. When the subject was brought up about moving, I was very adiment that I wouldn't leave New Jersey. It was my home. My family was there. My memories were all cemented there.

But, God in His wisdom and grace knew that Kevin and I needed another place of belonging. We needed to make new family, new friends, and grow the place inside us that longs for our real home.

As I revisit some of my memories, both mentally and physcially, I am blessed to know that while this is fun and I enjoy this time... there is a place that holds me in the center of God's will.

I am thanking God that moving to NC over ten years ago was just one step in a walk to learning obedience with the Father.

Recognizing God's power in our lives

2010-05-25T07:07:00.003-04:00

While driving my daughter to school a week ago, something amazing happened. We were saying our prayers, like we do every morning, but my prayer was different on that day. As I began to thank the LORD for Who He is and for What He is, I felt the Spirit come to life inside me and around me. I’ll be perfectly honest and say that it almost amazed me, that feeling of complete peace and awe and elation—that feeling that only the Spirit of the living God can give… it amazed me because it has been so long since I’ve felt like that.

And that thought saddens me.

Why haven’t I felt the Spirit like that in awhile? Why haven’t I given myself over to Him so I can feel His presence and touch all around me?

I guess the simple truth is that I’m selfish. I’m too caught up in me and what’s going on in my life to take those unhindered and unabashed moments to truly seek and praise the Father. And because of that, I’m living a life that’s powerless.

Once God has spoken; Twice I have heard this: That power belongs to God (Psalm 62:11)

I’m living a life that’s powerless, yet God, my God—power belongs to Him.

If power truly belongs to God, and His Spirit dwells inside of me… shouldn’t I be powerful?

God’s mighty power is the same power the Spirit has. It’s the same power that indwells me, and that power is the same that hung the stars in the sky, and set the world in motion. The same power that resurrected Jesus, is the same that lives in me. In us.

I don’t know about anyone else, but the thought of that much power within me is a staggering one.

What do we do with it?

One thing we shouldn’t do is just let it sit inside us—let it become dormant within us. When I looked up the definition for the word dormant, this is what it said: lying asleep or as if asleep; inactive. In a state of rest or inactivity.

Lying asleep, or as if asleep. I cannot picture the Spirit of Jehovah ever being asleep. He is ever watchful, and always present. Especially to those that are truly the sons(daughters) of God. I’ve been really thinking about this lately, especially since I’ve had many seasons in my life where I have not lived or moved in the power of the Spirit. Was it because He became powerless? Never.

But the power of the Spirit within me cannot act if I don’t give Him free reign. He doesn’t force His will upon us. What He does do, however, is beckon us to answer His call. He beckons me to surrender my will to Him, to yield to His complete control.

And it’s only when I allow the Spirit to reign that the same power that caused the blind to see, raised the dead to life, and caused the lame to walk, can be powerful in my life.

I know I’ve said it before—that I want to be a powerhouse for the LORD, and I do. Completely. The meaning of that to me encompasses all that God is. His essence filling every aspect. His presence resides in such a way that there is not much room for Danielle.

The Apostle Paul said, ”I die daily.(1 Corinthians 15:31) Obviously, we know he wasn’t speaking of death as in the grave. What he was saying was that daily, he chose to die to his flesh. He didn’t just surrender his will to God only when he felt like it. He didn’t yield only on Sundays and Wednesdays. Daily, he gave up the desires of his natural man and took on the desires of the Father.

A daily occurrence. It’s a way of life, to life.

As I’ve struggled with one addiction, one form of bondage or another through my life, I have to question myself, and seek God’s face to understand how to live a life completely sold out for Him. How do I become so in-tune with God, so dead to the desires of Danielle that all that matters to me anymore is Him? Because when it comes down to it, truthfully, it’s not even about my husband, or even our daughter. Yes, God has blessed me beyond measure with both, but they should never come before Him… in any capacity.

While searching my heart on all this, the LORD recalled to my mind 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22

Rejoice always; 17pray without ceasing; 18in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 19Do not quench the Spirit; 20do not despise prophetic utterances. 21But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; 22abstain from every form of evil.

Rejoice always: How can I do that when I’m too caught up in myself and my circumstances to rejoice? Always is such a {lasting} word. It means; at all times. Forever. Rejoice always, forever, Danielle. God didn’t promise an easy life. In fact, Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that we will have trials and tribulations, but in Him to have peace and to take courage because He has overcome the world. I should be rejoicing, no matter what, because Jesus already took care of everything that truly counts, and lasts.

In everything give thanks: Let’s look at that again… yup, it says {everything}. This is not always easy, especially if I feel my circumstances are not going the way I feel they should. Sometimes, our feelings dictate how we react to a situation, they determine whether we will get through it with strength and aplomb, or if it will destroy the peace God wants to give us.

Do not quench the Spirit: I had to take the time to look up the word quench and get the definition, not because I didn’t know what it meant, but because my definition wouldn’t get the same point across that Webster’s does. Quench – Put out, extinguish; to put out the light or fire of; to cool. I am guilty of this… time and time again. I’ve allowed myself to rise up so much that the Spirit becomes dormant in my life. I’ve taken the Light of Christ and blocked it with my own desires. I’ve cooled the burning fire of the Spirit by placing dirty ashes(sin) in places it doesn’t belong.

Do not despise prophetic utterances: I can honestly say I’ve never done this—at least, not that I know of. Searching the scriptures and seeking God’s face on this, we’ll know if it’s truly from the Father. Which, brings us to the next.

Examine everything carefully: True discernment only comes from God. Knowing the spirits we come in contact with, that we come up against, those which we fight… that should be pretty simple. Right? Not for me. I don’t always hold fast to what is good. I don’t always remember that I’m not fighting against flesh and blood.(Ephesians 6:12) Too often I take things to heart, I take them personally, when if I would just examine them against the word of God, then I would know what should be and what shouldn’t.

Abstain from every form of evil: A notation at the bottom of my bible says {appearance}. Abstain from the appearance of evil. That’s not just the things we know are evil… but it’s the things that also appear to be against all that we know is right, is good, is lovely. (Philippians 4:8) Abstain—to refrain deliberately and often with an effort of self denial from an action or practice. We need to be telling ourselves no. My flesh wants to come to life with just the thought of being told no. How wicked!

Verse 23: Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely{may He make you holy}. May your spirit, soul, and body be preserved complete{may all that you are, your whole being be kept from destruction}without blame at the coming of our LORD Jesus Christ.

I love this next verse! Verse 24: Faithful is He who calls you and He also will bring it to pass.

Who will bring it to pass? Danielle?

No. Because we know that Danielle is weak and selfish. But God… God is faithful and if He has called, He will bring it to pass.

God has called us to rejoice, to be thankful, to quench not the Spirit, to not despise prophetic utterances, to examine everything, and to abstain from even the appearance of evil.

It’s time to let the Spirit burn His light and fire in our lives. It’s time to be powerful for the LORD. Maybe you’re already walking in this… maybe you’re so on fire with the Spirit that it’s even consuming those around you. If that is so, praise the LORD. I ask then that you pray for me. Pray the same over my life. And if you’d like me to pray it for your life… leave me a comment and I will place your name in my bible so that I can pray for you daily.

The grace of our LORD Jesus Christ be with you. (1 Thessalonians 5:28)

Believe... as said from a 10 year old.

2010-05-17T19:23:00.004-04:00

I came home last Thursday night from playing Wallyball and my daughter came at me with all the excitement and enthusiasm for her age. In her hand she was holding her digital camera--and the only reason she has one at that age is because Mama received a new one, thus, she gets the old one.

It seems that while Mama was at the gym, and Dada was in the shower, Bethany decided to occupy her time with making her own videos. First let me say that I can't believe she did that. And second, I can't believe she actually wants me to put it up on my blog.

That is not to say, however, that I am not more than thrilled and excited. Oh, oh! I am! What she did in her video's blesses my heart beyond measure. She was not told what to say or how to say it.

In her own words. By her own initiative...

Dada loves the LORD, so does Mama and me. And I know that the LORD’s on our side. And I believe that Jesus is gonna take His love for us… and I know the LORD loves us. And I believe, I believe! that He’s gonna take your life. And we’re gonna fight the devil… and that’s what I believe. I believe in the LORD Jesus Christ. Mmm… mmm…. Mmm…mmm

Even watching this video now, I feel awe and love, and gratitude to not only my daughter for having the boldness to allow me to post this, but to the LORD for using my daughter to get a message to me.

I can be so pigheaded and stubborn sometimes… okay, a lot of the time. But it’s in moments like this when He takes something so sweet and innocent to touch the hardest places of my heart.

John 6:29 says Jesus answered and said to them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent."

There are times I forget the simple fact of this life is… just believe. Believe in the One whom God sent. Believe that Jesus has it all under control. Believe that all has already sifted through the Father’s hands and that nothing gets to me without Him knowing it first. Believe that if I’m going through it, He has a purpose for it. Believe that I will make it through with the strength He is ready and willing to give. Believe that when I come out on the other side of any situation, I will be that much closer to the Father if I but trust in Him.

Believe. Such a simple thing to say. Not such a simple thing to act upon. My faith falters and fails me daily, and yet, my faith also helps me to get back up and continue on. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Him whom He has sent to believe in.