I sat across from him, cheeseburgers, fries and ketchup cups in-between us as nervous butterflies flitted around in my stomach. His smile was sweet, sincere and a bit flirtatious. The blue-green of his eyes glinted, his gaze fixed on me. I felt special. I felt… beautiful, in a t-shirt, jeans and no make-up. I wasn’t dressed to impress but I could tell by his look, I had anyway.
After thirteen years of marriage, too many pounds lost and gained again, my man still looks at me and sees a beautiful woman. He sees a desirable woman. A wish of mine has become—
Lord, let me see myself as he sees me. When I look in the mirror, let me see myself through the eyes of the man you have given me for better or worse.
When I look at myself, I see all the flaws, all the negatives that I wish would change. And in doing that, I take away the fact that I am a masterpiece in the making. Yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds.(or a lot more than a few.) But, my weight does not define me. Does it? Should it?
I do believe some of my weight has to be dealt with spiritually, and that’s a conversation the Father and I have been having, but… when Kevin looks at me, he isn’t seeing the added pounds. He sees the heart of a woman who desires to serve God and others. He sees a woman who struggles with trust issues, but one who is learning to lay that problem at the foot of the cross. He sees a woman who stumbles and falls, and who cries out to the Father for wisdom and discernment.
Why do I forget about her?
Why do I forget about the woman God is fashioning? Why do I forget about the woman who’s laid her heart bear before her Creator and is in the process of being molded?
Do you forget about that woman in yourself? Do you forget that a loving, forgiving Father is working in your life? Do you tend to look at all the should be’s and have nots?
You are not alone.
But, sister, can I tell you... we’ve got to allow the truth of God’s word to penetrate our thoughts. We’ve got to stop looking at the images the media is throwing at us and realize those woman, they aren’t real. Our perception of them and ourselves need to be held up to the looking-glass that God uses. His gaze upon us doesn’t see the imperfections and impurities. When you have accepted Jesus Christ, the Father sees you for the new creation you are.
A beautiful, vibrant, flourishing craftsmanship.
Ephesians 2:10 -- For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
2 Corinthians 5:17 -- This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
As my husband and I enjoyed an inpromptu cheap lunch yesterday, I was reminded of those first feelings of love and giddiness. I was reminded what it was like to have him look at me and not feel hindered by my size. I just enjoyed the way he looked at me. I enjoyed the laughter and conversation we had. Too often I forget to bask in the moment. I forget to enjoy the simplicity of time together, without worrying.
Part of being a new creation in Christ is laying aside the doubts that sworm me and seeing myself and my husband for who we truly are. Not just man and woman. Not just sojourners in ministry together. But, we are husband and wife--lovers, partakers and children of God. We are
one together.
